@@ Emo Home

Love = Cooking Soup

2011-12-30T04:42:00.001+08:00

Some people say, we must know when is the right time for love to come and for love to go...

I agree.

Love is like cooking a pot of soup... By having all fantastic ingredients with the right amount of water, slowly stir it to boiling can be ultimately delicious...

However, if the ingredients go wrong will give u the wrong taste.

Without having the right amount of water will either over-tasted or plain.

If u stir it too hard might mash up with easy breaking ingredients.

If you cook it too little or too long wouldn't give u the best result too!

I'm facing a situation whereby the ingredients have been kept changing for the right stuffs without boiling with the right amount of water. At first I planned a time to dine the result but it's completely from what I expect already.

The soup wouldn't be any same even if adding the right amount of water by now.

Do u understand? I simply want to throw away the whole pot. I appreciated with the effort of replacing with all kind of ingredients but I would reckon it'll be best to re-cook another pot of soup.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.2

21st Century Yumcha

2011-06-01T01:07:00.002+08:00

I think ppl in d 21st century dun talk during yumcha... Whatsapp or talkbox will do. I wonder when might possibly we order food or drink w these applications too LoL
Happy Droid & Iphone & BB ^^

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9

Road to Happiness

2011-01-11T04:00:00.000+08:00

It's been a tough way since my love Sean & I walk along since September last year. It seems not a long time but unfortunate events which happened have been more than enough to imagine, to endure, and to test our love to one and another...
We've been through physically injuries for times, car accidents, personal financial crisis shit...
And yes, we are holding each others' tighter now. We've started to plan and execute what's need to build a worry-free family. We hope to sign an official paper on the special date, 111111.
For those who followed my blog for year especially, would have witnessed the dramas of relationships I got throughout the years. Many thought I'm choosy or I'm being a fairy tale dreamer. No! I'm just a girl. I want and need a simple relationship, with someone who loves me sincerely. I tried my best to care and love. I need appreciation and patience during tough times.
Sean and I, had countless intensive arguments. Leaving him crossed my mind many times yet I choose to stay no matter how harsh had he treated me to make me leave.
He tried ways to make me leave too cos he thinks I deserve a better man, and he was doubt that no one will ever be so persistence in relationship.
I think I passed with flying colors ^^ I can be considerate and tolerate. I just need time to tune in. I'm a human being with flesh and feelings too. So long he's willing to stay around to care, I will be there for him too.
Starting a relationship is easy. Maintaining is hard. Lasting it is even harder.
Sean, I know you don't follow my blog but I hope my thoughts will be heard by you someday.
I really love you truly.
I hope, things will turn better for us this year... We will fight harder for our better future ^^

是诅咒吗？

2010-10-19T09:33:00.000+08:00

宝贝，今天是我们的一个月的庆日，只可是，并没有我想象中的快乐～
本来我们都很期待今天的到来，你重覆提醒我今天的来临，我以为你是那么的注重。。。可是现在眼前的事实，你好像变了。。。变得自我，不再注重我的感受和需要，不再重视我的存在与幸苦，不再时时刻刻抱抱亲亲我了～
我一直在看着你呢～

每天睡醒，很高兴见到你依然在身旁。。。只可是越来越难叫你起床了～
每当你睡醒，我喜欢逗着看你blur blur的样子，期待你的第一个吻。。。只可是，最近不再想吻我了，今天连手手也不拖了～

自从认识你以后，我的餐食都靠你提醒，因为你常肚子饿而提醒我要吃东西了。。。只可是今天，我因为肚子饿了，又在赌气而胃疼了，你却不放在心上～
我知道你也很瘾麻将。。。只可是一直以来你都让我玩，最近开始和我争玩了，甚至今天我开口问了两次，你都不愿让我一下～都九点半啦！

虽然每个月都有19号，但是第一个19号就开始瑕疵了，怎么办嘛？
以前说的都是甜言蜜语，不扎实～

说什么会一直拖着我洗杯洗到粗糙的手。。。说天天会吻我百遍。。。说什么都会让着我。。。说我要什么都会尽量给我。。。就连情书的事，你都在别扭了～
我想念一开始害羞扮酷的你，喜欢你一直依偎亲密着我，回想着一个月的幸福甜蜜。。。

是你打回原形了吗？在我想象中的你，不会发牢骚，因为打球打麻将而发脾气的～
还是你也像其他人一样被宠坏了？开始事事要我迁就你，让着你，替你操劳？
抑或是我们太靠近了，你不再在乎我，少了想念我的空间？

我也宁可相信是我被诅咒了～
幸福离我还是很远～

幸福

2010-10-10T17:28:00.000+08:00

幸福其实就离我们很近，我们让它靠近了吗？
现在的我，很幸福，因为我遇到了他。。。
我们很相似，无论外表陪衬，性格配合，兴趣相投，就连经验喜好都几乎一样！
我再次投入感情，爱上这么完美的一个他～
不知不觉，17/9/10至今天，没有不合与不和，只有甜蜜和欢笑，还有好长的一段路要陪着走呢 ^^

我们的回忆录

2010-05-02T19:54:00.004+08:00

我不是个潇洒的人，也抵不住保持沉默。

我只懂用自己的方式不让大家为难，不再打扰大家。
不管你觉得我做得对或错，我只能说：对不起。

看见你难过，我会心疼。我更不想你还要为了我们的事而烦恼！

我不再吵了。不争了。我什么都不要了～

现在的我，宁愿失去你的消息，也不愿为难着大家。
如果有一天，你真的放开了以前，我们有缘再续～

1.May'10

-》当爱情变得面目全非的时候，如果我这样做可以不再为难你，我愿做个贱人。

-》爱情没有先来后到，只有不被爱的人才是第三者

-》爱情本来就不公平，在乎你要选择爱或被爱。

-》看到所要看的，做了我可以做的，累了身，伤了心，为难了大家，背着眼泪离去。

27.Apr'10

-》没有人会比他更能了解我的心情。好想好想能够在一起，却担心给自己和对方带来更多难过和麻烦～只能恨相见时晚，宁愿我们不曾相识～

-》我真的放得开吗？如果继续，可以抱有希望的可能吗～

26.Apr'10

-》其实...我一直走在你的身后...一直在等你回头。。。

-》我不怕等待，只要我愿意。。。只怕，盲目等待着没有答案的目的地。。。

25.Apr'10

-》我现在明白了。如果爱是说什么也放不开，那就别挣扎，反正做什么也没差。

-》下起雨了。就像用眼泪想你了。

-》爱情不就是该经得起考验吗？如果有了解决不了的阻碍还要勉强自己去面对，不是瞎吗？为什么就不打开心扉让可以和你相爱的人一起经历美好的考验呢？

-》当我意识到爱情只是梦时，原来，是因为一些该说的话没说，不该说的却说完了。。。

24.Apr'10

-》慢慢远离的梦，渐渐冷却冰冻，心痛当初相遇的心动。。。

23.Apr'10

-》浪漫其實很簡單，就看你願意不願意多做一點點～

22.Apr'10

-》也许，一些事情是不该太过介意，最终只会给自己找难受罢。自作多情了。

21.Apr'10

-》原来我们爱一个人的时候会很自私的。。。尤其是，曾经为爱而受过伤。

-》原来‘我爱你’着三个字要在及时说，原来是那么重要～

20.Apr'10

-》碎了的心，要怎么给人？

19.Apr'10

-》我真的想说，却说不出口～看到痛苦的你，我的眼泪也掉下来了。。。对不起。

-》Posted on his wall: 潘瑋柏 & 弦子 - 不得不愛

17.Apr'10
-》I got a feelin... for someone, unexpectedly~

------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: By2:-:我知道
我知道你还喜欢我，虽然分手的理由我们都已接受。
你知道你还放不下我，才会在离开的时，闭着眼没有回头
我们都知道彼此心中，这份爱。。。会停止吗？

------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: 蔡依林:-:我知道你很難過

这首歌，给你也是给我自己的。。。

爱一个人，别太认真，你受伤的眼神，令人心疼。。
没有一个人，非要另一个人才能过一生，你又何苦逼自己面对伤痕？
我知道你很难过，感情的付出不是真心付出就会有结果。。。
别问怎么做，爱才能长久，这道理有一天你会懂。

我知道你很难过，昨天是恋人今天说分手就分手，
别问你的痛要怎么解脱，多情的人注定-伤得比较久。。。

爱若是变成了刺，思念也成了蘜，也许心碎是爱情最美的样子～

------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: 元若藍:-:半情歌
你將會被誰抱緊，唱什么歌哄她開心？
我想著天空什么時候會放晴？地球不曾為誰停一停。。。
你的祝福，一半甜的，一半苦的，像我手中冷掉的咖啡。。。
最最教人殘念的，總是未完成的另一半的歌。

在一开始时，我们常开玩笑，怎么我们一直好像有缘无分相遇。。

可是就连有缘相遇了，却无分相爱。。。

但愿，有缘再续。

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: 张靓颖:-:如果这就是爱情
如果这就是爱情，本来就不公平，你不需要讲理，我可以离去。。。
如果我成全了你，如果我能祝福你，那不是我看清。。。
是我证明-我爱你～

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: 龔柯允:-:太傻
守住你的承诺太傻,只怪自己被爱迷惑~
痴痴地想了多少夜,我还是不了解~
是什么让你选择了我? 为何如今不顾一切你会放弃了我?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: 溫嵐:-:傻瓜
爱上了,我不保留。
与其为难着大家，我情愿自个承担伤痛，换来一句：傻瓜。

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: 林峰:-:愛不疚
这种溺爱太罕有，不须真正拥有，成全，多舍不得仍然是放手。。。

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: 杨丞琳:-:只想爱你
是你让我了解我自己可以为爱那么坚定，只想爱你～
好想每天睁开眼睛就能看到你，我知道我偶尔会有一点任性。。。
不管你做任何决定，究竟爱我还是逃避～
Sorry, 我还是不会放弃，只想爱你～

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: 梁靜茹:-:別再為他流淚
你走了太久一定很累,她錯了不該你來面對～
離開她就好，就算了，心情很乾脆～
她其實沒有那麼絕對，遠一點你就看出真偽～
離開她不等於你的世界會崩潰，轉個彎你還能飛，就別再為她流淚。。。
別再讓她操控你的傷悲，就算有一點愚昧，一點點後悔，也不要太狼狽，她不值得你的淚。。。

每段感情都非常珍貴,　她的好，你就放在心扉...
記得有個人曾讓你那樣的心碎~

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: 李聖傑：-：重來
现在我只想回到最初的时候，我知道你还爱着我，亲爱的你，请你握紧我的手～
请你看看我，真的需要你的我，只要你回头～

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: 方炯镔:-:你不必爱我
你不必再爱我，我学着释怀原来相爱总比想念短暂。。。
至少我记住了，你的笑有多灿烂～

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: 林一心:-:日出
是你介绍给这一首好友的歌，让我也爱上了这一首歌～

我等待下一个日出，照亮我灵魂最深处。。。

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: 周杰倫：-：藉口
请再给我，一个理由，说你不爱我。。。
如果要走，请你记得我。
如果难过，请你忘了我。

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: 戴佩妮：-：原諒我就是這樣的女生
明知道没有答案还要问，因为我就是这样的女生。。。

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: 杨宗纬：-：人质
如果爱是说什么都不能放，我不挣扎，反正我也没差。

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: 張棟樑：-：我真的以為
你说你爱我却不够绝对，还会想见她，却还要我跟随。。。
告诉我，爱怎能这样的分配？

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: 徐若瑄:-:愛笑的眼睛
当初，我是被你的笑容吸引了，你是被我那会笑的眼睛吸引了。。。

如果再见到你，我一定让自己，假装很坚定。

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Dedicated: 潘瑋柏 & 弦子:-:不得不愛
你让我对你说'I Love You',可我就一直说不出口。。。
后来你让我用写的，我却给你点了这首歌。。。

会不会有一点无奈？会不会有一点太快？
可是你给我的爱，让我撩成了依赖，心中充满爱的节拍～～～

****************************************************

虽然，只有短短的三个星期，你却让我深爱你了。

我尽了我的能力去维护我们的感情，是你选择放弃了我。

你要的时间，我会给你。我也知道你也自私的希望我会等你。。。

我说过，我会一直爱你，直到我不能够再继续爱下去，直到如今，我是恨你！

因为，我要记住你- WIH ，一辈子。

The Annoying Emomentz

2010-04-30T02:59:00.000+08:00

It has been almost a week since the argument with him on last Friday. My mood has been down and down, anticipating to recover when go to best but new challenges arise in daily morning which burned out my strength.
I've been trying best to calm myself to think and act rationally although I feel helpless.
I hate the current emotional. Too much. Unable to recover from any kind of chilling sessions.
I've been ensuring myself tomorrow shall be a better day yet I can't stop thinking about someone and something... sigh.
Time to go to bed. Nitez

成为你的支撑

2010-04-28T22:00:00.001+08:00

你终于对我说，你为难了。你要让我不再为难你，是想让我放手了吗？
你问我，“如果”你是真的只是因为感到愧疚于我而继续对我好，那我会怎样？
我说，我会明白你的用意，我会恨你。

到底你为难，是因为心里有着两个人？
还是，只有一个人却要面对另一个人？

我依然在乎你。
最近我自己发生了那么多问题和麻烦，我还是要硬着头皮撑过来，自个儿调整好心情。。。
因为，你就是比我还不懂得处理好心情问题！如果我也垮了，谁来说笑了？

我依然吃醋。
你是否还记得，第一次你要到G6时，一直都很想我把你留下，说一句我不想你去，可是我没说。
你是否还记得，你告诉我，其实你也不喜欢喝酒，是因为觉得烦了。。。就算要去，也会带我一块去。。。可是，待会你不肯带着我，担心别人眼光了。。。而你也似乎不想我陪了吗？

我搞不懂你是否对我是还有感觉，还是只是当时的一时之意～或许连你自己也真的不懂？
在你还没处理好你的问题时，是否还是想我在你身边陪伴呢？因为我真的很想继续陪在你身旁。。。
你说，你现在没有资格回答我任何问题；
可是我还是想知道你当下的感受，好让我适当的时候给予你适当的支持，一直成为你的心灵上的支撑，直到。。。
你不再需要我。

我还是不想放弃；还想爱你

2010-04-27T18:07:00.000+08:00

昨晚知心好友出来喝茶想要开导我，却跟我聊到要吐血！因为他们发现我的思想比他们想象的，更像个小孩般的单纯。。。问我，怎么没在经验的疼痛中学习了？

刚才说他他过来找我吃午饭了。。他没上班。
我们大部分时间都在聊有关他和他的ex，还表明立场，还是很想念她，更希望能等到有一天，她的家人不再反对他们在一起。。。却知道可能性不大吧～
虽然由他口中所听说她也很爱他，也希望能够在一起，可是。。。他有否理智点想过，一个28岁的女人，可以这样瞎扯多久？他也不能够陪伴在她的身旁，真的会有奇迹吗？

他主动提起，想讲讲我和他该怎么了～我就回答，我们不是都默意识不再继续了吗？他头低下，我们继续讲着讲着，他的眼眶都泛泪了～
在他话中，他表示很对我愧疚却也希望我们的欢笑能够继续。。。也愧疚当初我们那么快就进入状况，又担心后悔现在放手。。。
可是也再次说明，他无法放下她。。。
或许要等到一天，她做了一件让他很难接受的事。。。
可是，如果真的那么执着对她的那份爱，会有接受不了的事吗？

他是把问题丢回给我，要我做决定。。。他知道我很爱他，而他现在得不到她，自私地希望我能留在他身边～
我都一一向他分析问题和状况，我们都了解，却还不舍得说要分开。。。却就是想犯贱。

朋友都问我，你要愛一個心里掛念著別人的男人嗎?
我说，男人，就是没有一个的心，是没有挂念着另一个女人的～男人就是喜欢抱着遗憾的动物。
话虽如此，就要看那男人有多负责任和成熟处理那种遗憾。。。
就算这个男人娶了一个不是自己最深爱的女人，不代表他不会对她好啊！

事实上，我爱上一个心里挂念着别人的男人。
如果我们的感情没有现在的复杂问题，我们会好好地在一起吗？
虽然我们走到今天的这一步，是因为我们当初没有搞好关系的清楚，在问题已爆发时，我和他都一时间不懂怎么面对～

我会越爱他，是因为他对我坦白了。

他向我坦白了，至少，我知道他在想什么，要什么，我不需要去猜测。而我既然已经知道，也无谓再去审问瞎猜。。。只要他真的想对我好就可以了，不是吗？虽然不知道会不会有将来。。。
这就是所谓的不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有？

我也带有渺茫的期望，或许我带有好胜的心机。。。我在想，他和她只是一个可能。。。
他们无法在现实上见面或相处，而我却可以天天陪在他身边～
虽然，旧爱永远就是最美？

其实现在问题我不是担心他跟她会不会偷情，而是在衡量着他的人格和性格。
有一种男人，心里爱着一人，她是一个遗憾；
身边有着一个对自己很好的人，他还是会好好珍惜现任的她，面对现实，把遗憾永远埋藏心底～

无论怎样，朋友都说，如果我真的可以接受將來他為了她跟自己提出分手的話，那就继续吧！
可是，为了一根草而放弃一片森林，值得吗？
我认为，要找一个自己爱的人很难，要找一个相爱的人最难。难中难，要找一个肯很坦白的男人～
所以，只要在他要放弃我和我的努力的一刻，坦白的告诉我，我想，我是可以接受的。

说来话长，我还顾虑到自己尊严的问题。。。
我还是希望，他是因为也想跟我‘发展’而继续跟我在一起，而不是纯粹当我是个过客。
可是，我更深深明白，一些事情，过去了不能重来；
我爱他，就想珍惜能和他在一起和对他好的时间。。。

我理解他。。。他也明白我的心情。。。好想好想能够在一起，却担心给自己和对方带来更多难过和麻烦～恨相见时晚，宁愿我们不曾相识～
我们会继续相处得很开心吗？
我们会互相信任对方的坦白吗？

我会很爱你，你会珍惜吗？

吃醋

2010-04-26T16:59:00.000+08:00

昨晚在朋友公司开起facebook，因为想他，却看不见他，唯有开他的facebbok page来看～
不看还好，看了更气。。。一大堆跟女生拍的照片～
如果我真的是他女朋友，那我该怎么跟他说呢？
其实我还蛮会吃醋，而忍着不说，一说通常都是吵架了。。。

又听见他再次承认还很想她。。。
我的心的破碎声，他听见了吗？
我以为我可以放得下，原来我更加在意他了。
人总是要犯贱，痛了，才肯放手吗？

为何等待

2010-04-26T10:49:00.000+08:00

我们不是说好，不要把对方赖下吗？你怎么不管我的感觉了呢？为了一个曾经让你心痛，让你恨的人那样放弃你所要的未来，值得吗？

我今早在闹钟未响起就醒了，一直在等你的morning call。。。
傻傻的等着，可是电话没有响过～
我带着沉重的心情上班，到了公司像往常一样开msn & Skype，希望能见到你。。。
可是又等了许久你的回复，说你没空。。。
第二次了！在我认识你开始，你从来不会为了任何事而对我没空。。。

我不怕等，我愿意等，只要我知道我等的人会是值得的～

我想要给你的话

2010-04-25T19:42:00.001+08:00

你要我给你时间，知道你不想受打扰了。
我send给你那聊天日记，你cancelled了。是你不想要还是不需要？那是我们之间仅存的美好回忆。。。
我好想你，我该如何让你知道呢？
我不敢再打扰你，担心你会离我更远。。。唯有在我自己的空间以文笔记录我想告诉你的话。。。

*我该怎么做才能靠近你的心，会更加懂你的心？

*我现在明白你那话了。。。我现在就身感其受：如果爱是说什么也放不开，那就别挣扎，反正也没差。

*幸福离我们很近，我们让它靠近了吗？

*我好想好想好想好想好想你！

*当你选择远离我时，除了伤心的哭泣，我什么也做不到。。。我说我爱你，你说你懂了，可是你珍惜了吗？
我不愿失去你的消息。。。我还可以怎么做，可以更了解你的心情了？

*不要再这样了好吗？我很难过，很心疼，更气恼自己却做不了什么令你再次展颜欢笑了。。。

*我现在很难受。为什么过去的不让它过去？我们不是说好要放下以前吗？怎么现在的你舍得让我难过，盲目的烦恼一些不可能的事情？

*为什么你不开心，我要瞎陪你不开心了？

*还记得那天你兴致勃勃地问我，到底哪天才是我们第一星期的纪念日。。。

*为了你，我最近很努力学着听歌唱歌。。。为了你，我少了吸烟。。。为了你，我不再那么夜睡，只因希望在梦里可以碰见你～

*谢谢你让我再看见你，虽然只是在屏幕上的你。。。却又说不出的喜悦～

*你知不知道我的SKYPE只有你的Contact，只为你一人而设～

*请你答应我，不管你的决定如何，一定要尽早告诉我。。。我愿意等你，但别让我瞎等～我爱你。

重播的回忆

2010-04-25T16:28:00.000+08:00

Pulled from:

如果天是灰色
如果爱还留着
是不是你的手就还会牵着
你就像是白色分开着我们所有颜色
心还空白着
我不经意走到了这而幸福却已走散了
从前的难过的快乐的已经不再有了
我该还为谁等着
为什么我哭了因为你不爱了
又想起你了是因为那首歌
我怎么了忍不住流下了眼泪
还拼命地笑着
我恨我又哭了因为我都懂了
爱情的世界里没什么规则
我怎么了又站在熟悉的路口
开始怀恋着
原来痛慢慢的在爱里蜿蜒着
好像胸口的热那叫做割舍
重复播放的歌是我们遇见的那一刻
是否也会让你难过呢
我不经意走到了这谁结束了我们的歌
从前的难过的快乐的已经不再有了
我该还为谁等着
为什么我哭了因为你不爱了
又想起你了是因为那首歌
我怎么了忍不住流下了眼泪
还拼命地笑着
我恨我又哭了因为我都懂了
爱情的世界里没什么规则
我怎么了又站在熟悉的路口
开始怀恋着
为什么我哭了因为你不爱了
又想起你了是因为那首歌
我怎么了忍不住流下了眼泪
还拼命地笑着
我恨我又哭了因为我都懂了
爱情的世界里没什么规则
我怎么了又站在熟悉的路口
开始怀恋着

就是这种：感觉

2010-04-25T16:24:00.000+08:00

Pulled from:

曾经以为我再也不能感觉那种心跳的感觉。
羞涩腼腆,看见喜欢的人还会心跳的感觉。
想念着的感觉,惦记的感觉,想着牵手的感觉。
这个时刻,我才发现已经深深爱上你的感觉。

Oh~~ 原来，就是这样吧！
想着，惦着，喜欢着，
我们在一起笑着。

Oh~~原来，喜欢是这样吧！
说着，笑着，傻傻的，
我们就幸福爱着。

还以为我还是担心遥远幸福一个人的感觉。
盼望期待,你的出现还比阳光强烈的感觉。
拥抱着的感觉,牵挂的感觉,快乐微笑的感觉。
这个时刻,你才发现不能失去爱上我的感觉。

满满的，慢慢的酝酿，
彼此的感觉,相信这份感觉。
一定是你,一定是我。

长长的，渐渐的发掘，
永恒的感觉,决定这份感觉。
我是你的，你是我的。

痛哭

2010-04-25T12:57:00.001+08:00

我的预言再次灵验。。。
我真的爱他了，而他却说着同样的话要离开了。。。
我的眼泪掉了，哭得停不了。
我的心，真的感觉到痛了！为什么我要的爱，偏偏在我爱时就走远了？

一只温暖紧握的手换成一幕幕冰冷的表情，好痛。

你要的爱，我给你了。
我期待的爱，在哪里了？
我现在是他妈的痛，你到底知道没？
你当初有否听见我告诉你的话，你要让我爱上你的责任？

我明知道会爱是那样的痛，我为什么还要去瞎闯？
别再伤害我，行吗？
我玩不起。

等不到的终站

2010-04-24T00:40:00.002+08:00

我等着那通电话，
等着那把温柔的声音，告诉我想听见的一些话；
我等着那一个人的出现，
等着他能理解我的心意，珍惜我们的未来和以后；
只可是，应该再也等不到了。。。
事实与时机，差得太远了。

我好想问你，
难道你不知道我容易心软吗？你听见我说心痛了吗？
我知道你累了，烦了，我又会比你好过吗？
几句该说的话没说，重复提起不该用的字句，适合了吗？
你要给我的承诺，在你沙哑的声线中，迷失路了？

当初，你要我把整颗心交给你，我现在想收回，你觉得可能吗？
你要我全心爱你，到底是要让谁懂得爱了？
如今，你连信心承诺的话都不说了，怎么还要求我了呢～

每一天，你都给我新的希望。。。
直至昨晚临睡前忽然问你：你现在给我的幸福，会不会随着梦醒过来？
你没有回答。

如今，我们还可能再享受那种甜蜜，互相的瞎扯欢笑，度过每日的简单爱吗？
其实，我一直都很期待与你一起筑立那个安乐窝，盼望以后一起生活的每一天，听见你每天对我说爱你，沉醉每刻你手掌心带给我的温暖，至永远。。。好奢侈，不切实际的一个愿望吧～

为什么，这个美梦又那么快醒过来了。。。
如果我现在继续熟睡，梦是否能再次加以延续？
如果时间倒流，你的笑容是否会无期限为我绽放，你的回忆会否只属于我一人呢？

现在的我，上了车，不舍得下车，更不愿转站。。。
而我所期待的终站，却似乎遥不可及了。。。

为什么会酱？

2010-04-23T22:10:00.000+08:00

我心痛了，因为受伤了。。。
原来你的心并不属于我一个人～

眼泪掉了，我哭了，我累了。。。
可我真的爱你了～

除了你，我谁也不想见。
你真的懂吗？你是否理解呢？
或许可以怪我们的相遇依然不合时。。。

不要爱得太迟

2010-04-22T13:28:00.001+08:00

几经三思，我对他说了‘我爱你’着三个字。
我肯定，我真的爱了～

记得那个晚上，我们像平常那样放工后一起spend time，那晚应该是去看戏了吧？
坐在车里，我们第一次争吵了，就因为我一直都不肯说‘我爱你’。。。
你问我：有那么难说吗？
我回复：不难，而且很想，就是没有勇气～
我继续述说了我的一些过去，我不知道你会明白我当时的心情多少，但是那种痛，真的让我很害怕。
不过，无名氏也提醒了我，过去的就让它过去好了，当中的痛已经让我学会如何去爱，更加珍惜目前爱我的人～

就在我们要分离，你要下车的那一刻，我很习惯性地轻吻你，却很自然地轻声在耳边不小心说出口。
我自己被吓到了，你一阵惊喜，希望我再次说一次，我却拒绝了，你又失望了。

后来在驾车回家的一路上，我又再深思了。
如果，明天就是世界末日，怎么办？
如果，在我还没来得及对你说爱你，怎么算？

你说，每一天只要让你听见我说‘我爱你’会让你觉得幸福的。
我想，每一天都要让你感到我爱你多一些才是真正的幸福呢～

碎了的心怎么给

2010-04-20T01:48:00.001+08:00

一颗破碎的心要怎么给你？
我好想好想对你许下一辈子爱你的承诺，
我好想我们之间的甜蜜永不散去，
我希望会一直都看见你的笑容，一直被你的手紧捉着～

可是，碎了的心就是碎了。。。
我无法自己组拼回原状了，你可否会帮忙组拼还是加以撕碎？

就是一些爱过通过的痕迹让我们无法再那么容易敢爱了。。。
不是不相信，只是还说服不到自己再次冒险～
因为那种痛，痛不欲生～

我也好想能够再次对爱情有信心，
再次深爱着一个人，
再次深信永恒的爱是存在的～

如果你等累了，会否选择放弃了？
对不起，我害怕了。。。
担心你落荒而逃，到时候我又该怎么办好呢？

我真想

2010-04-19T01:32:00.000+08:00

我好想好想对你说那三个字。。。
我心里真的好想。。。
就是说到嘴边却说不出口。。。
看到痛苦的你，我的眼泪也掉下来了。。。我也很难受。。。

希望你能理解，原谅我说不出口～
可是，我对你是真心的。。。

更希望在未来不久的一天，你会被我突而其来说的这三个字感到得哭哦～

Un-Reasonable Worries

2010-04-15T04:32:00.000+08:00

I'm pissed off now.
I hate this current feeling.
I hate being worry for someone unreasonably.

I've been complaining that he's too busy as a companion. He knew I always need companionship. I'm a pampered girl.
I tried to understand that he has high responsibility at work and has been exhausted after a long day working. Meanwhile, his daily 3 hours activity ---> GYM is to be part of his schedule.

We just had the first argument with him on Monday night and it is meant to be the last argument before a decision of commitment.
I agreed on a second chance for him to prove his concern about me after a long chat during that midnight.
Technically, isn't he should be trying harder to arrange some time to meet me more often for good sake?

Last night he promised to call me when he got home. I was asleep early. He said he was concerning of awaking me by call and therefore, he left a SMS instead.
Explanation accepted but I'm unhappy because regardless if he awakes me but I would at least feel secured to hear his voice when it's required.

Tonight he promised again and firmly to call when he got home. I went to sleep in peaceful mood and awake in pissed-ful mood.
I'm awaken by unknowing shock and my first action is to check on my phone~
No missed call. No SMS. Great.
It has passed 3 hours since his last call after his gym session.
I tried to make 3 calls and nobody pick up.
I had too much bad experiences with phone calls...

I didn't mention to him that I hate unanswered calls...
but I did briefly mentioned to him that how important are phone calls meant to me.
Although I've emphasized that I hate worries in a relationship but I assume, nobody likes to worry for another.

All after all, we are in a status of "in a relationship" yet to be.
No commitment from my side is made.
I've put my efforts to work a relationship with you but I've not being offered accordingly to my needs.
Yet so far, yer so close. Here's the end of our journey together for further commitments.
Somehow, I feel fortunate that I did not agreed for starting a relationship impulsively.

Thank you for you being your true self along the way. You are a good guy and worth some effort to tryout with you. However, I know my limit of tolerance and compromise. I can't do further commitment.
You coulnd't offer what I need and I couldn't accept what you've offered.
I decide to call off these unreasonably worries for you rather foreseeing to have more unreasonably worries in the future.

追求爱情。还是感情

2010-04-12T16:55:00.000+08:00

他不知道，幸福，对我这样伤透了心的人来说，很难。
我很害怕，每次当他想给我许下什么承诺时，我都一一阻止。
口上是说只要对我好，不需给什么承诺。
心里却又一味自私的意思，不想为重重的承诺负责任。

今天，我又睡不醒了。
我讨厌我自己不自律，所以脾气也暴躁起来。
我不知道该如何跟老板解释了，索性把电话关掉～

今早的我睡不着。
心里一直在想着，我该怎么做才对～

他是值得我去一试与他相爱的人，可我就觉得他对一个人的爱护，不止如此。。。
他是有所保留，还是我多心了？
到底他有在看我在这里填满的心情，还是跟其他男人一样，对女生所写的字，没兴趣？

我们人啊～越长大，要求的越是不一样。
以前，我肯定会说，没有火花的爱情，我要不了。
直到不久之前，我不是一直说要简单爱吗？

他对我很好。都算迁就我着～
我们之间虽然没有什么话题，但是也因为如此，我们不会吵架吧？
在这两个星期以来，他没有要求过我什么，反而我开始觉得有点不自在了，好像被忽略似的～
现在的我，好想好想拥入他的怀里撒娇，不管是爱情还是感情，
反正就是有情。

自私的占有

2010-04-12T03:33:00.000+08:00

我知道，你爱我。
是我不知该怎么爱你，
又或是我不肯说。。。
我真的在尽力了吗？？

是我自私，还是贪心？
贪心你对我的疼爱，宠爱。
却少了一种感觉我是你的唯一的感觉。。。
是因为我不肯接受你给我的承诺吗？

你很好，所以我也对你好。。。
可是我对你的好，不是那种好，你感觉到吗？

我们之间的话题很少
在我寂寞时，你不能陪我聊天。。。
你的笑话，有时候我会觉得不耐烦，因为你并不知道我何时在正经等你的回答。。。

不知不觉，我们已经达成共议‘在一起’两个星期了。。。
相约吃饭，看戏，喝茶。。。就很普遍的一些活动。
我很想我们之间有更多的不同的活动接触和话题，该怎么制造？
而你像是默默在等我的回应，还是你也开始在犹豫了？

跟你单独相约出去时，我喜欢环绕着你那健壮的手臂走走，感觉是很踏实的。
跟你单独坐在车里，我喜欢靠在你的肩膀，胸前，感觉是很有安全感的。
就当你说爱我时，我还是不知所措，不懂该如何回应！

好几次，没见到你时，我都有想起你。。
而你就一直傻乎乎，不懂为我们争取一些见面的时间而我在生你的闷气，你却懵然不知！

其实，这些日子，我还是一直在重复想：
“也许，我们并不适合，不该瞒着你，不该制造假希望。“
虽然你曾经说：
”无论我们结果怎么样，我到底会不会爱你，而我让你有机会好好爱过我，也无悔”

很甜。可是，你真的可以那么潇洒吗？

制造爱

2010-04-08T17:46:00.000+08:00

现在的我，突然什么也不想管！我只想好好一个人。
我不知现在是因为没睡一天而在耍脾气还是真的决定了。。。

是我要求高，还是他做得不够好？

我要那甜甜的感觉一直都感受不到。。。
我要那特别的关怀也看不见你的努力。。。
我要的安心，信心，却未能给我。。。

每当你说爱我，我有冲动想回复。。。
却少了一份真的想说的冲动。

我特地抽时间见你，陪你；
拥抱的时候，我特别紧偎着你；
亲吻的嘴唇，慢慢才离开；
是因为，我正在为自己制造‘爱你’的感觉。。。

你懂吗？

Lips to Lips

2010-04-03T06:07:00.002+08:00

I didn't tell you,
I've decided to give my heart to you when...

Our Lips to Lips got together.

You're all in my mind now.
You're right.
WE have both fall for each other...
Craving for cares,
Hunger for each other's love.

I promise, I'll give my best of however I can,

to ♥ you...

怎么还爱你！！！

2010-03-30T01:38:00.000+08:00

苦闷。怎么我还是无法放下，无法不想念他！！！
刚才看到他的Facebook都post说梦见有个女孩说爱她，可是。。。我也希望他说的是自己，毕竟我在前两天糊里糊涂中SMS告诉他：
“宝贝，我依然深还是爱着你，无法忘记。。。”

超瞎！
干嘛要告诉他！
干嘛还要想他？

明知道他心里早已把我毁灭了，不再有我存在的空间，
人，总是喜欢犯贱吗？

可是，还是不能自我控制的想。。。无时无刻～～～
每逢遇到不愉快时，好想向他撒娇。。。
正在开心欢笑中，更是想与他分享。。。

我身边不缺朋友的疼爱，更不缺护花使者的拥戴，为什么我要继续委屈自己梦着一个不切实际的事实？
我好累。我也只想有人疼我。。。
身边多的是。。。为什么我还要执着呢？
最终苦的还是自己！清醒点吧！

机器坏了

2010-03-29T00:56:00.000+08:00

唉，人老了，机器开始坏了～
其实这几年，右手一直都麻麻的，只是没有去理会。。。可是在这几个星期以来，问题似乎严重了，开始痛至背部，不理不行了！毕竟多两个星期就要开始练习驾车了，搞不好给老板知道就不让我驾了。。。
明天放工一定要好好安排时间去看铁打了。。。

不再写了，这样对手腕不好 =P
迟些再聊～

病倒了～

2010-03-26T01:19:00.000+08:00

现在已经是凌晨1点钟，刚从外面喝茶回家不久～
今天是发烧的第三天了，不知明天会好些没。。。因为是星期五了耶！

这几天都超忙的，好像又恢复了‘交际’身的时间表，有点难以适应，不过都还好啦。。。就碰见很多多年没见的朋友，转眼已过了那么多年，很多都认识超过5年有多，一些更是孩子的父母了！
看看自己还是单身一个，瞎！

现在还是单身有单身的好，身边不缺朋友的陪伴，不必担心寂寞，再过几年就。。。
只是，还是希望有专人疼自己的。。。

其实前几天有很多话想说，但是找不到时间上来，现在却想不起来了。
待想起再继续吧～
我也该睡觉了，明天会超级忙咧！也很期待明晚可以去唱K~
各位晚安咯！

原来我还在意

2010-03-23T02:45:00.000+08:00

感谢Chriz今天带我驾着电单车逛街，我喜欢被冷风吹着的感觉。

今天，我又再次因为LYZ而不开心，就因为我还在意，我误会的吃醋了。。
这几个星期以来，我似乎在强逼自己别再想他，我越是强逼自己，我越是想念他。。。

身边有着许多人的关心，却满足不了我想要被他呵护的那种欲望。。。
多少人提醒我要清醒理智些，甚至责怪我幸苦自己去想他干嘛，我控制得了吗？我也想可以想电脑那样format就重新开始啊！可是我做不到。。。

短短的三个星期的恋情，竟然令我如此着迷。
我不停重复问自己，是因为不舍还是不甘，可我真的知道我是不舍！

我愿意包容他的孩子气，忍受他的脾气。
虽然我愿意，却没有那样的机会。
就连想SMS提醒他吃饭都担心会影响他的心情。。。

自从我们分开以后，我没有真正笑过。
每当我知道他过得不好，不开心，我更担心了。
李业政，你知道我在想你吗？
好像能够像以前那样，待在你的身边。。。

我哭了

2010-03-18T18:02:00.000+08:00

由我和他分开至现在都快三个星期了，感情也只是维持了三个星期。

由他坚决分手，直到我们反复吵嘴，我一直都没有哭过。
可是刚才得知他并没有过得比以前好，所以埋藏心里的酸瞬间涌上眼眶，眼泪也忍不住掉下。

原来这次我用情那么深。
原来这次我是伤得那么痛。
原来我一直都在欺骗自己，麻醉自己，心情一直没有好过。

我哭了。
心在痛。
别打扰我和我的忧郁。

心里有谁

2010-03-17T02:20:00.000+08:00

外面下着雨，凉凉的～
心里忽然觉得孤单，好想念-想念一个人的滋味。

今天又再次埋头工作将至半夜才回家。。。
一路上打电话给几个不同的好友问好，可是我最想要的，是一个会另我牵肠挂肚的声音。。。
今天好累，可是却不想入睡～明天还要工作呢～

在如此冰冷的夜晚，温柔的你在哪了。
我心里所思念着的到底会是睡，你何时才会出现在我身旁，轻抚着我的头发，哄我入睡呢？

到底你还舍得有多少个孤单的夜晚让我独自度过才等到你的出现呢～
爱我，有那么难吗？

Differences of Market Demand by gender

2010-03-13T17:49:00.000+08:00

Men always have dilemma when their girlfriend started to hint about marriage during their mid of twenty's.
Although women generally know their guy dislike the idea of getting marriage but they always give it a try no matter how.
Have you thought, why women should worry bout getting marry at their twenty's?

Women are generally having their prettiest appearance during their twenty's. Choices of partner are plenty for some. While for some women, due to inexperience in society probably cause early age marriage happen with accident pregnancy.

However, men can always look more manly and portrait himself with several main criteria of attraction to women such as mature, security and responsibility. Over times of gaining experiences, men at their thirty's are generally more caring.

I do not know how true is my statements to you who read it but I do eager to have my own family with simplicity and happiness since 3 years back.
I'm anticipating for someone who can pamper me and share my sorrows through the path of my life.
This wish, seems so near, yet so far~

累。

2010-03-12T23:11:00.004+08:00

不知是什么样的累，就什么也不想做，哪里也不想去～
现在是12/03/2010。星期五。2306。
我一人由5点半瞎呆到现在。。。

没有心情起伏，工作还没做完呢～

其实精神还蛮累的，身体也累，就不想回家，也没有出席朋友的邀请聚会，我到底想干嘛了？

啊～找朋友家继续瞎待，可以看戏～呵呵。
如果找不到，怎么办呢？

其实，我家没鬼。

好朋友

2010-03-12T14:05:00.000+08:00

这几天的情绪开始恢复了。
原本将忙的日子，特地把心机和时间分配给感情，工作被忽略了几个星期。。。
可是，感情路还是不好走，我自问真的尽力了。
无论怎样，感激身边好友一直在给予鼓励和支持，时间表被工作和朋友填得满满的～

原来我身边有着许多好友，最少也认识了超过5年，甚至10年。一路上都陪在身边，在心灵上给予安慰。人们常说，人生能得几知己？而幸运的我，有着Daniel, Simon, Jerome, Erwin, Melvin, Shawn, Remus，还有一大班zonex的‘兄弟’。。最近还加了Daren和Ken, 不过这二人不知会陪我走多久呢？

刚认识我的人都觉得我的感情路太不可思议，怎么会有那么多波折。
我的个性像男生，工作于男性领域，爱好也是大部分男性所喜好的，应该是男生理想人选。。。可是事实就是事实，我会是男生的好友，可是我不会是一个当女友的好人选。。。

我开始意识到自己的问题。
在于对待我的朋友和情人，大有不同～
本来独立的我，却会很依赖男朋友。
本来很无所谓的我，却很容易吃醋。
本来容易信任朋友的我，却敏感的起疑心。
不过，一样的是，我喜欢寻根到底，我懂得关心和贴心。

一个人的时候，朋友是第一，工作排第二。
感情来到时，‘他’就会是我的中心点，而朋友却被丢到最后，哈哈！
或许有时候朋友被忽略了，少了见面，但是，他们却一直都存在。。。
朋友之间的爱还是一直存在。

还想念着你呢～

2010-03-06T14:50:00.001+08:00

我没有假装若其无事，只是因为心累了。。。
可是我怎么还无时无刻想着你。。。
每次拿起手机却害怕打扰到你，在facebook wall写了一行字却没有勇气按下enter～
你还好吗？
明明知道你在努力放下我们的感情而我干嘛还在坚持？
我在说服自己别再想了。。。
我一直找事情让自己忙，为自己定下更多目标，强逼自己要活得更好！
现在的我，好想好想听见你的声音，见见你的傻样，一起度过周末～

分手快乐

2010-03-04T00:31:00.001+08:00

我已经用尽方法去爱你，但是你没有意愿和耐性去配合，无论我做什么，也是徒劳的～
而我也真的累了。。。我无法再继续迁就你的无理，又或是我真的不适合你，可是爱了就是爱了，是我选择的爱，我做不到那么潇洒放手～
你坚持拒绝了我的拥抱，是害怕还爱着我吗？
你否决了我的爱，是在保护我还是你自己？
我希望未来的日子里，你还是记得曾经有一个我，很努力的学习着你要的方式去爱你，疼你。。。我自问，我真的尽全心全力了，而我得到到只是你不断的责怪，似乎你没有停下来好好感受我的温柔，体谅我的真心，而我那一颗心被你的否定的爱狠狠破碎了～
如你所说，也许分手是最后的解决；可是我还是认为，我们需要是长时间的冷静，不是为了我们这一段感情，也是为了以后的感情，因为我们在一开始就错了，而我们是一直在让一错再错。
到底是因为我们根本不适合还是认识不够深而无法配合？
而你轻易把‘分手’两个字说出口了～
真的那么容易就不爱了吗？

那我只能诚心祝福你可以找到一个你要的女生。。。
但愿我自己能把零碎的心重新组拼完整。

我们说好的爱呢

2010-03-02T23:05:00.001+08:00

宝贝，你不是说过，无论发生什么事，都要坚持吗？怎么你这么就放弃了？
你说服我，叫我深爱你就好，你会解决其他问题，可是现在的我在心疼呢～你在哪里？
我只想要一个人好好爱我，爱我有这么难吗？
我无时无刻都在提醒自己，别老是想着你和我的关系，可是我真的做不到像你那么洒脱。
我不敢在奢望了。。。以前的你，就是那么调皮的逗我开心；而现在的你，就连跟我说话的力气都省下了。。。有人会那么令你难受过，而你舍得这样对待我？
我问你，是否要时间冷静，你却一口拒绝了。
你说你要冷静，但是到底要这样到什么时候？
我好无奈。。。我只可以默默对你好，又担心惹你不高兴，可是又没有明确的指引，因为你就一直对我冷冷淡淡的，可是又在我想放弃时来电约我出去，你到底在想什么？
这两个星期以来，我就是一直在承受你无言中带给我的压力和难受，我都忍着了。。。
你，到底在想什么？你说你知道自己要什么。。。
可是我还是不懂。
请你告诉我，我们说好的爱还在吗？
只要你的明确回应我的爱，就算要我继续等下去，我也愿意。
因为，你值得。

Self Realization @ 28Feb2010

2010-02-28T01:23:00.001+08:00

Today has been an exhausted day. Finally I agreed to Ian to be his model for shootings. I'm anticipating for those good shots from all photographers... It's has great to work with them under the hot sun at an abandoned KTM railway station along Subang Airport Road.

CCL accompanied for some emotional chit chat at his shop. He tried to read my characters through my face and we have been discussed over the problems which I'm facing...

I did not tell him, my relationship is officially ended. It's hard to forgo the loves which have been rendered.
I seriously doing my best to learn, to change, to be a better person while anticipating for his big hand to hold tight with my hand again.

This is not the first relationship ended with same reason. It's time to making serious alteration to my idealism. My idealism has enforced to my partner and suffocate him with invisible tension.

I know, everyone is an individual while why have I overlooked myself have been an extremely individualist which forcing my own idealism of relationship to another party? Without myself realizing, I simply expect my ideal one to think the same as me. I simply thought I'm reminding him of how to behave over a circumstances.

Love which I rendered is selfish. I always ask for security and I thought, I'm doing good to make the other party to feel secure without realizing, I've not putting trust in the person, to believe he knows what he's doing and knowing what's happening in our relationship.

I always thought, sharing means caring. I often speak out when I feel down in a relationship, out of my random thought. Negative charged of energy has been transferred to my partner. I should have realized that he has his own worries. This is not the right way to share and depend on him because those negative charged energy is pressuring him!

No matter how, LYZ has been right. He's more mature than me in relationship although he might not be as calm as me to handle issues.

I will never bow to "destiny". I will work with my efforts to gain what I want and I know he's my ideal guy who can bring happiness to my life if I have his love.
I'll have faith. I must change my selfishness for enforcing my own idealism to a relationship.
Love a person will give mentally supports, not mentally dependent.
Since I never like my partner to stress me with his emotions and I should not do the same but only offer happy smiles which filled with faith in him.
This will be my new resolution. I will work my way back to his love.

I pray to the name of Jesus, bless me with strength to think positively, act rationally and behave cheerfully.
Soon, he will witness the changes in me and give a second chance to love him again...

Quick Note on 260210

2010-02-26T10:45:00.001+08:00

I'm anticipating to meet him today. I'm praying for a good day...
It has been the 4th day not been close to him at all... I've not get to see him in person, barely hear his voice, hardly see his SMS...

I miss him very much but I do not know if this is Love.
DT said, if I believe in something, have faith and just do it. There are too many things in the world has no right or wrong... Only if you think it worth your time to continue contributing~

I'm trying to change my behavior towards a person in a relationship. My passion has failed my previous relationships, I assume.
However, I need to go view a room for rent now... Just a quick note herein.

May God Bless me with a good day with Loves & Cares which being the supports to my soul~
Have a good day everyone!

坚持的爱

2010-02-24T01:29:00.002+08:00

坚持需要很大的勇气，也需要双方努力才能会开花结果。
人总在爱情中迷失自我，都希望像花一样开得灿烂。。
可是，花少了爱的灌溉，在施肥也无补于事。。。
单方面的坚持会很累，单方面的爱可以维持多久？
趁我们还清醒，趁心未粉碎前，就要懂得放开一段错误的感情。。。

我选择了你，就会负责人去疼你，爱你。。。
我坚信自己的选择，请你也不要怀疑。。。
也只负责疼爱我就好 ^^

不懂得爱

2010-02-22T23:24:00.001+08:00

我不懂得爱
因为我一直都忽略了所懂的道理
知道和实行两码事
成熟与幼稚见仁见智
相信与自信是自找的还是人给的？
我做不到爱的优等生

我经常寻根到底
细想问题是会让人心烦了
至少我不会稀里哗啦向你吼叫
清楚交代
之间没有欺骗隐瞒
会否简单一些呢？

我会一时大意忘了你所说过的
你也常说我是小宝贝
特别需要关注与爱护
我无心破坏了你的心情
我只在意你只在乎你
我更舍不得让你难过
我爱你我的世界就只有我和你的事

我从没忘记
你许诺全心全意爱我
教我别轻易放弃
我都记得谨记
在你几乎失去理智时
只有我还傻傻的对你微笑

是我未能好好爱你
但是我会坚持到底
请让我们用时间去了解
请给机会我们的体温取暖
请让咖啡不再苦涩
请让每天的心情都是晴朗的

如我又再大意忘记了什么
你是否能再次温柔提醒？

如果时钟可以调快些
就请转到。。。
我和你十指紧扣继续拥抱

温度计坏了

2010-02-20T13:46:00.000+08:00

温度计坏了
让人难以抗拒的热情忽然间跌至零度

噩梦未醒过来吗？
童话是骗人的？
承诺是什么？
我也不愿相信我所看见的感受的
可是

你的眼神出卖了你
沉默的时候太冷清
拥抱的时候不够靠近
你的笑容不再为我展开

我好郁闷
瞬间的你我好像不认识
牵我的抱我的亲我的是谁了？

你舍得松开紧握的手
你不再在乎我的感受
你看不见我心里的痛眼眶的泪
怎么我们的甜蜜参和了苦涩的味道？

你的心
你所谓的爱
还在吗？

Joint Occassion on 14th Feb 2010

2010-02-19T04:13:00.005+08:00

On the 14th February 2010 is a very special occasion day as Chinese New Year cum Valentine's Day. It's a pretty difficult for many couples to make a decision of which to celebrate~
Family or Lover comes first?

As for myself and BaoBei have chosen family should comes first at the moment. In spite of this, our relationship has only blossom for 2 weeks~ We know, we'll have more time to spend with each other in the future =P

I spent whole 3 days at home to accompany my family side by side. My parents miss me very much. I've been missing much in actions for the past few years~ It's time to make up some disbursement to them =P

However, I took my effort to travel with coach bus, which I've long never taken one, and I've never thought of taking a coach bus to visit someone anymore~

My destination is Cameron Highlands.

其实，我就比较喜欢用中文写，就比较能把我的想法和心情表达得更加利落吧～
金马伦对我来说是即熟悉却没想过会有这一天，爱上一个。。。
我曾经无数次经过他家门口的男生。

我第一次感受到被‘爱屋及乌’的滋味。
从没有过，人家的父母待我如女儿。
我心里一直都甜滋滋的。。。何尝不是？
在宝贝家人热情招待和亲昵直称我为‘小媳妇’，是我连做梦都不敢想的事情!

很多时候，宝贝就紧握着我的手。。。
我常开玩笑说：担心我会随时消失哦！
可我真的很喜欢被他大大的手紧握着我手，好希望一直都会是这样～

直到如今，我还不敢完全相信现在所发生的一切都是真实的。。。太幸福了吧？

我也知道，我的心已慢慢地塌向他一人了。
爱，渐渐起了作用。

我一再以为我不懂得爱了～
可是，我怎么发现。。。
由单纯想见感到不舍直到思念演变成开始为他操心？
原本我在一路上想，我是否不该去找他呢？我们是否真的保持一段距离呢？
除了我自己对爱的忧虑，我确实看见了他对爱也有着无言恐惧。。。

千辛万苦，就在太阳下山之前的一刻
我看见到了他的车。
正当我还在欣赏他那微笑帅气的脸，却自然地凑过来轻吻我一下。。。

一路上，我们没多说什么，我一直在把握机会看看他的样子～
他的帅，的确会让人着迷。。可我，真的懂得真么爱他吗？
而我也感觉到，他也迷茫着我对自己的不肯定，隐隐闻到他的无奈。。。

只要短短的三两天。。。我发现。。。
我心疼他累而为他按摩却忘了自己的疲惫。
我醒着是因为他做了噩梦。
天气冷着记得帮他盖被忘了自己着了凉。
我心乱如麻因为他沉默不语深思着烦恼。
他的家人就理所当然成了我的家人。

原来，他也是我的定心剂。

回到自己空荡荡的床，身边少了他的体温，确实难以入眠～

我想他。
他应该累得早已入眠了吧！
不知道他有没有头疼？背酸肯定因为长途驾驶而加厉了吧？
更担心他做噩梦惊醒没人在身边抚慰。。。
我好想宝贝。

Accomplishment of a New Year's Resolution

2010-02-02T01:10:00.000+08:00

I was anticipating my New Year wishes to become true and first wish which turned true so soon beyond my expectation!

I’m in love. I met my ideal one and he has proven me with efforts of compromising able to lead us into love… We’re building a fairy tale with a shared idealism… Things happened so fast to so far as if we were unawakened from a sweet dream yet we know that we are real for one and another…

His name is Jayson Lee. He was brought up in the breezy small town, Ringlet on Cameron Highlands. He’s a work freak as a mortgage consultant for UOB meanwhile growing to be a popular face in town as a model and actor.

I dare not ask when I will see him again after our first met yet, I notice he’s making time to see me more and more often. He has been surprising me for his efforts to spare time from a hectic schedule. His smiles touch my heart. The eagerness to be pampered by him is getting stronger each day~

A lovely dream began when he offered to pick me up from my house in Shah Alam for a pre-planned night outing in Barsonic’s Anniversary. He’s so cheeky to cheer up everyone with his humor. However, my mood swing when I felt he’s yet so close, yet so far…

I found my encouragement to throw him a question among the noisy crowd. I was about to know if I’ve been misunderstood his sweetness…

He was stoned for a few seconds and next I could remember was, we kissed after hearing his long to be told vow of love.

When the clock turned 12 midnight on the 31st January 2010, our dance began…
I’ve spent my remaining conscious to pray that we’ll never loosen our grips of hands ever…

My Kind of Man

2010-02-01T18:21:00.002+08:00

I posted this Q&A in my Facebook note weeks ago... Let's do a review analysis of the ideal kind of my Man ~ LYZ... ^^

1. Do you need him/her to be good looking?
Time to stay looking good is short anyway, why not utilize moments with eyes candy =)

* I can't take my eyes out of the sharpness on his face~

2. Smart?
Witty Smart

* He brought laughter in group occasions, He inspire me during private moments =)

3. Preferred age?
I need someone mentally matured, basically regardless age but preferably less than 5 years difference~

* He's 3 years younger than me yet, I have nothing to ask more for his maturity thinking and actions~

4. Preferred height?
I need a 6 footer in order to wear my 4" high heels to attend any function!

* Bingo! He's taller than me while i'm my highest heels which I have at home =P

5. How about sense of humor?
Like I mentioned, witty smart~
* Everybody's jaw got cramped with his humor and I love his creativity about the script of "The Legend of LosAngeles Wang" LoL

6. How about piercings?
I had total 12 piercings. He shouldn't have more than me LoL
* He has no piercing =)

7. Accepts you for who you are?
Apa then?
* I am his ideal girl =P

8. Pink hair?
LoL during Halloween perhaps?
* hahaha... no~ First person to get annoy will be his hair stylist =P

9. Mushy or no?
I need some to depend on who can make clean decisions.
* He knows what he wants and what he needs... except for having a problem to decide what to eat but easy on what's come to suggest also LoL

10. Thin or fat?
"OR"
* I considered him thin, but admire his 6-packs though~ =P

11. Black, Brown or White (skin color)?
Tanned preferably~
* Tanner than me. Good enough =)

12. Long hair or short hair?
Short~
* Stylish short.. kinda Taiwanese drama looked alike~ LoL

13. Plastic or metal?
I think if a heart is made of metal is better~ Only melt at certain temperature (person ^^)
* He's full of energy yet got melted with my kiss ^^

14. Smells good?
A smell which calm my senses~
* His morning kiss has brightened my day~

15. Smoker?
Hope for a successful quit smoker to influence me to quit!
* He's a regular smoke like myself right now but he's drafting a plan for us to quit one day~

16. Drinker?
A good drinker but not a regular drinker~
* Surprised me during the first we went out for a drinking occasion... Perhaps he's not a heavy drinker but he's definitely a good drinker...

17. Girl/Boy-next-door type?
Not a nerdy type~ but polite~
* Bingo!

18. Muscular?
Good build but not an over sized chest which much bigger than mine! LoL
* Not over sized muscular but having appropriate natural muscles + 6 packs without working out in gym!

19. Plays piano!
Yes... or any musical instrument~
* Missed but he intended to learn as the city where he grew up has not offered any musical instrument class..

20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
if he's able to sing along can definitely conquer my soul LoL
* He can't play bass or guitar but he can sing =)

21. Plays violin?
Like I mentioned, any musical instrument... duhh~
* Refer above ler...

22. Sings very good?
his voice that counts.. as long as not out of beat & pitch~
* I admit that I didn't admire his voice at the very beginning but I enjoyed hearing him singing along songs which play in the air~

23. Vain?
I like metrosexual guy who carry good image of its own~
* Very much street style and stylish. Loving the wear he dressed up himself~

24. With glasses?
Doesn't matter as one can look good with glasses~
* Bingo, he looks so manly with his stylish glasses ^^

25. With braces?
It's not forever will be fine =p
* Haha... his teeth are fine~

26. Shy type?
I prefer straight forward guy yet blush over certain circumstances =)
* Bingo. He's outspoken yet considerate who carries a sign of blushing when we first kissed~

27. Rebel or good boy/girl?
Been rebellion during youth time will be good but not rebel during in the relationship!
* He was rebelled during schooling age. Been a good boy in the bad group. Whether he's rebel type in relationship? Will be yet to find out~ So far, he's compromising a lot which led things work out its way =)

28. Active or passive?
Active
* Bingo

29. Tight or bomb?
Huh?
* I think I know what the question meant now... He's a bomb but knowing how to control his emotion~

30. Singer or dancer?
"Or"
* You'll have a cramp stomach when see him cracking his dance moves... Uncertain if he dances but he made a very good break dance pose for a photo shoot which attracted my sight... and yes, he sings~

31. Stunner?
At times, I love attention and hope for someone who's able to steal the limelight with me!
* He's definitely is the one... A model, an actor, a host ^^

32. Hiphop??
Yes
* His attire is very much hiphop and stylish!

33. Earrings?
Not a tangling one~
* He doesn't has a piercing~

34. Mr/Ms. count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?
Not too bothered as long as I'll be the last one~
* Not bothered to ask or know... looking forward if I'll be his last girl~

35. Dimples?
It can definitely extra cheering me when see him smile!
* ^^ Not the common roundish dot type... but very cheeky dimples when he smiles~ =)

36. Bookworm?
I like guys who enjoy reading & writting but not a extreme bookworm ler...
* Yes, he reads.. he has read my blog during his free time before things are confirmed also~ Surprised me~

37. Mr/Ms. love letter?
wow.... been hoping for this romantic act~
* Looking forward... However, he's not a writing person.. He prefers deliver a message by speech ^^

38. Playful?
Knowing his limit and well balance with stress in his living~
* Cheeky =P and I think we both live in a same concepts of living...

39. Flirt?
Yes, flirt with me~
* Hahaha... yea, just me and me~ His flirts not applicable to anyone else but to the one he loves only =)

40. Poem writer?
Not a highly philosophy version of poem and fantasize his world with poems too deeply~
* Yet to find out~

41. Serious?
He needs to be serious during serious matters especially works!
* Yea, he's drowning his head in his work seriously now~ Too, he's able to share serious topics in chat too =)

42. Campus crush?
erm...
* Still don't know how to answer this~ =P

43. Painter?
As long as he knows how to appreciate a piece of art~
* He always admire my tattoo... Yet to find out if he does painting~ =P

44. Religious?
A free thinker preferably~
* He has not mentioned any thing religiously...

45. Someone who likes to tease people?
No hard feelings but witty~
* Bingo!

46. Computer games geek? Or internet freak?
Neither a geek or freak but would enjoy computer games as much as like I do~
* He plays better DOTA than I do =P Same as me, been that done that as a computer games freak!

47. Speaks 20 languages?
without he himself understand what's he saying? LoL I need someone who can well converse with me in English & Chinese. Extra dialects will be added bonus~
* He speaks very fluent and standard Chinese... while he's willingly to improve his English from me =)

48. Loyal or faithful?
In every aspect of his life...
* I believe he is~ cos he's a dedicated yet logical person~

49. good kisser?
It drives me loving him deeper...
* His lips seduced me at all time~ and his kisses lead me fall deeper in love each time~

50. loves children??
Yes... if he's also able to love children of less fortunate will be added bonus too ^^
* He'll be a good father. I have faith in him.

My ideal of relationship

2010-01-13T02:38:00.001+08:00

I am convinced that one who carries outstanding physically appearance should have gone through some dilemmas which to be mentioned below.
To be a kind reminder, be decisive for the chance to appreciate another when you know you should~

I understand that KT has gone through a phase of enjoyment in his single life after broke up from a long run relationship. Life seems to have missed out with so much fun when been tied down with a girl. Meanwhile, his career has also picked up on track after rendering much efforts to excel in order to get rid of the unusual loneliness during massive changes in daily routine and habits~

As for myself, I also fall into a comfort zone to stay single after recovered from a past of heartbroken memories. I started to tranquilize myself by devouring most time with work. Then, I've now learned to balance my life by hanging out with friends and be involve with charity activities.

However, I'm still lacking of proper resting time. Although meeting different guys by all means at my own convenience can highlight my boring routine working hours yet I know, I’m seriously looking for a stable relationship which will ultimately bring peace to my mind~

I’m not confused. I know what kind of man who I’m seeking along my single path. I’ve never failed to reject guys who have not met my ideal of needs. No matter however, even if I found him and I also need correspondence response in order to work things out together.

Relationship should be simple and easy. We all need companionship and supports from someone special and meaningful to ourselves. In spite of this, communication plays a big role in order for both parties to have better understanding to make things right with one and another.
Compromise will eventually fall into place to make things work out rather than complicating a situation.

Most of us have been taught to love since we’re a kid. Therefore, we should have been all time ready to love someone from a stranger crowd but only matters of interests for doing it~
We probably can’t respond when we simple choose to repel from devouring in a relationship or not having the tendency of efforts to compromise with certain individuals.

I hate lies particularly. I always voice out when I need my thoughts to be heard. I hardly hide my feelings which not require another to gauge. Therefore, I would daringly admit my sincere thoughts and true feelings towards my ideal one.

Nevertheless, I need my ideal one to spare some time to hang out before confirming a right status of relationship.
We wouldn’t know both ideal individuals will simply become good friends who share thoughts together or perhaps when love affections happen during the right time which leads one and another to share a same ideal life journey together?

Moreover, either to become friends or lovers requires initial attractions ensue by actions to begin. However, if logic has also become a consideration might result regret for lacking of initiative which things will be abandoned in silence.

You may disagree with my words because I also believe everyone carries their own ideals of relationship.
Above mentioned are simply my personal points of view to share with the exclusive individual~

Fantasy of A Prince came into her Life

2010-01-10T23:19:00.000+08:00

Each time meet up has getting more mesmerizing to her impression.
The eagerness of seeing him again is getting stronger. She doesn't know if she should hold it or be true...

He has been asking what are her reviews on him.
She tried hard to put words together to answer his questions. It has been difficult.

Yet now, she knew her answers despite he seems chose to let things drift apart. She did not able to speak to him since the day she missed his hug. She did not able to see his smile since the moment she missed his breath.
It has been difficult although it's only been 2 days not met!

She read the article wrote about him.
She agreed with the editor entitled him the Prince. He's the fantasy of her ideal man.

She has not met any man who carry such perfect aspects overall. Initially she convinced that he's a responsive person over call and SMS but he has been controlling over his responds for the past two days.

He mentioned he's not rushing for a relationship yet being frank told her that he's not limiting himself to meet selected attractive girls.
She thought they carry the same ideals yet his witty smarts have been conquered her heart sooner than she could expect~

It has been a sweet dream. She appreciated him to spare some time with her over his tight schedule. She wish he will continue doing to work things out if he hope for the same.

Despite, she knows she has to awake in the reality. The truth has been obvious.
His answer been told along the silence...

New Year Resolution (1) Relationship

2010-01-02T23:43:00.004+08:00

Happy New Year Everyone ^^
I did not have much time spared for myself during end of Last Year. Time is so constrained for rest too~

Many have planned for their New Year Resolutions and even some have started executing it while I'm kinda struggling a little to sort out the path & mindset on executions.

First of all, I'm stressing on my path for relationship. Many have told me pointless to worry bout it because it should happen naturally~ Yet somehow, I have dilemma to commit to a relationship in the soon future.

No doubt, I wish to be loved. I almost forgot the feelings during being in love. I forgot what is the feeling when falling in love. Changes have to be compromised
although i'm seeing some good guys but i feel so much stress n pressure when comes to an offer to commit in a relationship...

I guess probably I have not yet to meet someone who is influential for me to forgo the wild free single life... =p

I'm clearly know who is the person I need and want to share my living together. I'm gathering all energies to devour for responded love in order to love him Truly, Madly, Deeply with all heart and soul.

However, I maintain to stand firm with my choice of a partner. Over these years, I'm exhausted from adrift relationships and not able to endure with more pains. Mainly, I need my love who has a tendency to work things out together~

I have faith I'll soon meet the special one who would walk with me on the same life path and to create a bright future...

Busy Lonesome Christmas Week

2009-12-27T06:02:00.006+08:00

27 December 2009 (Sunday) 4:52am - Cooling & Quiet night

Status: Insomnia; Thinking ; Yawning

It's only 4 more days to welcome the start of a life path in year 2010 =)
Many set achievable goals before the year end while I've set a goal since few months back which I want to budgeting for a space of my own...

However, the target may still seems far to be achieved as I had a moron ex-bf who did not keep his promise to return my money. I pray for a miracle to happen in order I'm able to roll the savings in a promising return investment plan.

Besides a vision which benefit myself, I wish to help more less fortunate people in the coming year. In fact, I've visited a single parentage children home this afternoon and I spent a wonderful time chit-chatting with those kids. A home visit trip in Cambodia is yet to confirm to be happened in March.

I've been sick since Wednesday yet my schedule is so tight up which I less expected. Been driving around here and there, spontaneously without much accorded to what has been planned. However, many precious sleeping hours have been gained to recover from illness.

Flashed back for what I've done for the past one week~~~~~~

Last Saturday, I decided to go for a second date with KTK to see if the relationship able to lead to somewhere. We spent half a day together and I tagged him along for his activity. He was much being his true self this time yet I concluded not to start the relationship with him at the end of the day.

KTK disappointed when I said I can't compromise with him in a relationship. I know I will not do my effort to make things right with him. Yet, he's so much alike my ex-bf Wing whom had once loved me truly, madly, deeply. I'm somehow also convinced that KTK will give his best although unconsciously making a tough life for him to respond to my own ideal of life path.

A few days later, I finally know what kind of partner who I'm looking for. I need someone who's good appearance, capable, communicative and most importantly mentally mature. Added information, I've been single for almost 4 months by now.

Regardless I've not met CCL for the past one week but I still miss him at times. I'm doing hard to hold back all emotional and eagerness to think of him. I promised to resolve my own feelings before seeing him again. Despite I called for a meet up when comes to think that he'll be celebrating the upcoming festive seasons with his family in Australia very soon.

I'm upsetted that CCL was busy with his lover over the weekends and neglected our appointment. However, I sincerely wish his lover is responding to him the right way and hopefully, she is treating him with the way he wanted. Yet, I'll feel jealous.

I was surprised when got to know that CCL's dad was supposed to send him to the airport instead of his lover. Again, I do not heard about her tendency for their relationship. On the other hand, I was happy when CCL accepted my offer to send him for flight departure on Monday midnight.

He spared me some time to taste my best recipe - mashed potato ^^ Ingredients have been bought since our last week outing. I was so glad when he liked it very much yet, I noticed he struggled to keep a distance away from me in order to avoid excessive feelings.

We hung out for hours in the airport before he checked-in. We chit chatted and kept each other updates as usual. Heavy hand-carry luggage interrupted our intentions to hug farewell. I carried on catching up with Jerome for a coffee.

Time really fly. Me and Jerome have not met for almost 4 years after we lost our phone co-incidentally during the same time period. The incident was jotted in "A Suspended Relationship".

I did not spend my Christmas party hard. Just chill and feeling lonesome at first. Fortunately I'm able to have Simon.C to spend time together after his busy two months schedule.

No matter how, I'm glad to made a post-up. However, I gotta log-off at the time being. My tears started to fill in my eyes frames. Hopefully I'll be able to make another post-up before the year ends.

So, Good night and good morning to everyone =) Muaks!

A Suspended Relationship

2009-12-21T05:50:00.002+08:00

A bunch of gorgeous ladies and hunks encountered in a model competition of year 2003.

A guy with sunny smile on baby face has attracted most people attention. A girl has made her way to stand out with short hair despite carrying much feminine aspect.

He liked short hair girl. She managed to catch his attention. Eventually they became good friends and started to talk for hours over the phone during late at night. They're living a distance of states apart.

One night, he called unexpectedly awoke her from sleep. She has never been annoyed when to hear his gentle voice but this time, he didn't sound right.

She heard him sobbing from the other side of the phone. He was upset about his broken relationship. She did not know how to calm his emotions with words at that very moment.

Before the sunrise, she decided to cancel all appointments of the day and traveled up north to keep him accompanied. His heart was touched by her for the first time.

Yet, she's not able to start a relationship during his recovering period of broken heart. No matter how, he found peace and calm with her. They've been transparent with all topics sharing over the phone.

She was hoping for more chances to see him but he was blessed to be recruited as a steward for a middle east country flight carrier. She was told to have only 4 chances to meet him in a year!

They appreciated each two-days meeting preciously. She would neglect any plan or appointments for the particular days.

At the end of the day of their 5th time meet-up session in the beginning of year 2005, they're hugged each other so tightly and unwillingly to leave each other again. A rhythm of love was in the air. They're joyfully agreed to begin a journey of love together...

Unexpected she did not receive any news from him after she lost her handphone in the few days later. She missed him yet life has to go on~

One sunny day in June 2009, her attention was caught by a friend request on the most popular social network website. It was her lucky day!

They were overwhelming chatted over the phone yet accused for not contacting each other after those days.

She was then acknowledged that he lost his handphone and he had been trying to find her contact until the day he found her on the social network website.

What a co-incident.
A relationship was suspended.
Feelings have faded.
However, friendship & memory remained.

Updates on 20th December 2009

2009-12-20T15:23:00.003+08:00

11 more days to go~ will be celebrating a start of another whole new year… anxiously to see what’s awaiting ahead while moderating what’s should be left behind…

It’s been a week I have not find a time for blog update. There are so many plans in me already started kick off in order to get used to it before the New Year comes… Yet I have so much disorder thoughts and confused feelings to sort. I wish to have peaceful quiet moments like now to blog without consuming memory to store the details…

A quick update about me. My schedule was filled with sales presentation appointments since Monday. On one hand, I’m pushing hard myself to get used to busy earning money life again while on the other hand, I’m trying to get someone out of my head.

I set my goal to meet a prospect a day. I was yet hoping to hear somebody’s voice after an exhausting day. So far, great experience for me to start in sales. I’m learning from practical each day to improve along advices from different experienced individuals.

I was sharing about a stable imbursement from gold trading business. Currently offer 2.5% rebates from total cost of buying gold at current market rate which the buying price to be reviewed on every 30 days. Gold is one of the stable return guaranteed products in the world as we all know yet without many of you realize, a stable return can be promised from a gold trading plan.

As I mentioned earlier, I was trying to forgo a deep emotions towards someone. I was glad that he appreciated me as someone special to him. I thought I really had my feelings controlled but failed. I miss him so much yet forcing myself not to see him til I resolve my emotions.

We chatted over the phone for the first 2 days while we only keep in touch with SMS for the past few days. I appreciated he returned call and reply for our last catch up appointment before he leave to Australia for family vacations. I’m hoping to make him the cheesy mashed potato before all feelings and emotions settle down during his far distance vacation.

I hope he’s clear about what’s thinking in his mind though. I’m tired of making assumption and expectation. We made our choice of how to do and what to feel. Unconsciously, I felled into complicated emotions on Thursday night. Missing him so dearly… Luckily I was packed with appointments to occupy my mind~ Sigh~

I think I’m pathetic at times. Within a short one month, I had so much complication on decisions making in relationships. I rejected offers for casual dating while I was denied from a casual dating offer. I was rejected from establishing a serious relationship while I did the same to someone nice as I know I can’t compromise to his living. As for summary, I remained being single period accumulated to be 4 months soon.

This is a so far quick updates about me because I need to catch my lunch now after late awake from friend’s office.

I pray, May God shows me the light for the right path and gives me courage to continue a challenging journey. Amen.

A Child Lost

2009-12-14T20:30:00.000+08:00

Deep inside I am just liken to a child,
lost in the night, seeking to find, what? I don't know.
without a candle to light my way, without a cloak to keep the chills away
i wonder why i always get into situations like this
why is my love, so unrestricted, so freely given
can be such a burden to some.

God do show me the way, for I am lost. I seek thy guidance in seeking mine soul. I have sinned and have sinned many, please forgive me.

Posted by El PaJames

Undefinable Sorrows in Her

2009-12-14T19:25:00.000+08:00

It has been a fine bright day but her world is darker than a moonless night.

She carried weight of sorrows to work. Driving in traffic jam accompanied with fatigue mind due to light sleep. Not able to spare any concentration to works in the office. Nothing has been accomplished although taken a few deep puffs of nicotine.

A popped up box showed someone came on her MSN. Someone who has been once she loved deeply, willingly to sacrifice anything for her ideally dream future but eventually pain has been the only return.

She had confronted him and hoping to know a dateline for the return of her hard earned money borrowed since a few months ago. She remembered the scene and the feelings she had when he begged for financial help.

She had been generously or perhaps, stupid enough to trust him and borrowed all hard earned cash till the last penny away. She had confident over him who will at least grant one time promise. She was so wrong and too late to realize he always get over things with "amnesia".

Harsh words spammed over MSN with hard knocks on her keyboard. She wished she can at least released some tenses in her. However, tears rolled in the eye frames and next, she knew she can no longer hold back those tears which meant to be shed.

There are words are meant to be heard yet the world turned on silence. She has long knew the creation of technology - mobile phone has not helped her much no matter how hard she tried.

She has yet to seek for a shoulder to lean on. Desire for peace is strong. Hopes vanished when not able to even lend an ear! She needed a protest!

There's no need to continue project herself as a cheerful and touch girl anymore. She simply need pampers and cares have been so difficult. She rather becomes naive and kind who meant to be protected. She's tired to retaliate for what she needs and wants anymore...

Somehow, again she learned last night. Less expectation might also not bring less disappointment and pain while somewhat might left a trace of regret for not showing affection enough. Wickedly in herself wishes to see if another would regret one day for making the choice to end her tendency towards the relationship.

Last but not least, she knew she always has never-ending supports from her parents, mummy especially. Her journey of career in sales has began today...

Unspeakable Sorrows in Her

2009-12-14T08:20:00.001+08:00

Nobody has truly known her or deeply understood her. The story of her past can probably write a novel book.

So many has come by along her life. It has been a big numbers though. Yet, any of them could have only walked a distance in life yet left for a different direction after a while. Nobody has been there long enough to witness her transformation, to support her, to assist her along the long tough way.

Perhaps because of so, many passer-byes tend to judge her as a strong and independent lady. It has been too long for her to remember the taste of honey to be taken care of and the tendency to be pampered.

Life has never been fair. Some girls should be blamed on themselves for not manage to be independent and accomplish survival skills from love poisoning. Why should she become the one to be left out, told to be understanding and required to help these girls for their incompetent?

For the very first time she was told that she’s one independent lady and eventually a vow of an engagement is broken with her ideal man.

Another lady has been there invading privacy and shamelessly occupying the man’s room by all means. She has been patience enough to lavish time yet it has passed more than two months. Her unwillingness to compromise but confronted the lady who has the conspiracy to ruin her ideal dreams.

Many friends were there to judge the relationship somehow. They were saying her sacrifices are meaningless unless the involved people such as the ex-fiancé or his family should have taken actions to shoo the biatch away but they’ve equally assume she probably can’t survive simple because her parents live outstation but they’ve not considered, she’d been working oversea for years!

However, nobody does comprehend the unusual pain which she had endured along the recent few years. Thus, no consolation rendered from anyone but forced to stand up on her own exhausted feet again to continue an unpredictable journey of life…

Recently, she fell in love irrepressible who another might assume it’s impulsive. In fact, the man has really been one of the best companions and she found a peaceful element in those moments spent together.

“Our relationship has gone too fast, too soon, too far. It will end up with complication and someone will get hurt eventually. However, she has no experience in relationship but you know how to get over with the pain. We gotta stop now.” He said.

He’d rather give up mutual intimacy, forgo interests and moments sharing and also perhaps fondness within… simply contemplate for another girl who might not able to coop with the pain from love. Has he mentioned love existed in another while they met?

He has forgotten the moments during she behaved like a child and craved for pampers. He’s blinded not to see her tendency to have activities with friends, her aptitude of cares and restless nights for worrying his back aches and all loves which she ready to surrender… Yet, she simply yearned for a peaceful life living with each other mentally supports while he has thought it's a heavy role to play of her ideals... .

She looks as if a cheerful person. She always acted unrelenting and idealistic in every aspect in her life but without anyone yet to realize it was the pains and burdens which force her to think positively and strike to be an idealistic in order to outstand the majority.

However, unpredictably pains will pursue in an idealistic woman’s relationship too.

I Decide for My Love

2009-12-13T21:58:00.002+08:00

Why is it so complicated to think if you’ve fallen in love with someone?

Will it be that difficult to admit and deal with your true feelings?

Perhaps, generally people would think, it's impossible to have feelings with two person at the same time and it's also wrong to date more than a person at a time. However, human being are meant to be selfish, aren't we?

Love itself won't hurts unless the involved person allows the pain.

Somehow, it's difficult to weight regret and guilt. Which is heavier to carry in our life? One who is being considerate of another might rather carry regret huh? Yet the one will tend to be so undecisive and unwanted to let go on another hand.

What do fear in relationship? Will a "too fast, too soon, too far" relationship meant not to be stable or it only happened in relationship games?

Why one has to be fear when start to think about loving someone? Does another has the call to decide and judge the destiny of feelings of another? Although Love needs both hand to clap but why can't one decide their own self feelings? Is not wrong for one who simple want to spare some love to care for another right?

Someone told me, I can get any guy I want but I said, it's so damn difficult for me to have someone to stick around due to wrong perceptions of the kind of girl I am or the future of a relationship which I really wanted.

Recently, I've fallen in love with someone. However, he has the guts the say good bye while not having the courage to hold me tighter... No matter how much cares and loves I wish to render...

Perhaps he should really know his feelings better. He's in love too, but to someone else... "All the best" is all I can say.

Trip with Pappy

2009-12-09T01:01:00.000+08:00

I just passed my age of 26 but started to know it feel when friends and relatives begin to question about my marriage.

Somehow, it wasn't my call not to have an ideal partner but I’m yet to meet someone who wants to tango with me.

I spent my last weekend to accompany my dad to drive back hometown, Penang. I recall the last time I spent time driving with my dad alone would be exactly 10 years ago when he used to send me to school. Anyhow, I still feel frustrated trying hard to communicate and compromise with him.

Initially I told him that I wish to catch some rest on Saturday and suggested to depart after lunch but he insisted to leave in the morning. Eventually we both agreed to meet in my friend’s car workshop at 11am as I’m leaving my car for maintenance.

I woke up at 9am from a comfy bed with a sweet companion. I slowly took my time to get ready and thought I was late as I arrived the workshop at 1115. I waited for my dad til 1230 in fact. I hold back my frustration and got ready to leave for Penang. However, my dad wasn’t aware my annoyance and suggested to go for lunch before departure.

We ended up having lunch at R&R as I refused to detour to Sg Buloh earlier.

I accompanied him to attend a wedding dinner of his long lost 30 years classmate’s son. I was kinda bored and exhausted but I ensured a smile hang on my face. A refreshing shower after got back to my aunt’s house has then I’m knocked off to deep sleep immediately.

I was so wrong that to think I can sleep til noon because constant knocks on my room door have awakened me significantly. My dad wanted to catch up with a few relatives.

Not able to reject but accompany him to go around a few places. Ultimately I gotta admit to him that I’m having a production report yet to accomplish by tonight. We left at 6pm and I speeded in rain resulted some mumbles but able to reach Sunway at 930pm.

I thought I could have met someone who I miss but disappointed further along frustrations. Luckily my friend got my car reinstate much better than before although it has cost me a boom.

Some random topics have shared with dad since we spent hours in the car. I was upset when partially of dad’s inherit has been subsidized my uncle to buy a half mil semi-D while I’ve not received any support from my dad especially financially.

It has been a tough time for me to go through varies of challenges in life. At one point my mum criticized on my egoism for not consent them about my difficulties. I believe I’ll already have feel much appreciated if they apprehend that I do not want to burden them by all means particularly their mentally.

No matter what, he’s my beloved pappy =) We both know how much we care and love each other but we simply cannot communicate and agree with one and another.

Restructure Thoughts

2009-12-08T01:19:00.003+08:00

I’ve learned to expect less can somehow bring more peace in mind. A simple word like I always say: CHILL~

When I was younger, I tend to react primitively over others’ response and situations. Even though I knew what’s rational to be done and thought I can think logically yet actions are yet out of control at times.

However, I got to know myself better over this year. I’m surprised of how much I’m willing to sacrifice for a person in a relationship. I’ve actually tried my best efforts to work things out despite nothing has been harvested so far then again still having too much emotional involved which caught me in deep pain.

In spite of this, I found my tactic to cope with the pain from misinterpreted relationships. I find my own courage to stand on my own feet again though more cautious for making next step.

This year had so much challenges and changes for me. I’ve experienced a different living in China for half a year, entrepreneur wanna be to come up with a business proposal yet to be executed, chilled at a junction to find right path in living, encounter insomnia nights over two broken relationships, failed to attempt three relationships, reunion with long lost schoolmates, celebrated few joyous wedding, exploring an underpaid job in an unfamiliar industry whilst I’m preparing myself to excel further in career and setup a new goal to achieve for the upcoming year 2010.

I’ve promised myself to provide my parents some comforts in living after my age of 26. My jolly time is now one week expired. I started to feel stress for choosing my path more carefully therefore to succeed my first goal for getting my own space by mid of next year although my financial seem to glide down after those repair cost for my car…

Nowadays, I spare some time to chill and having mind refreshment over the weekends. I’m yet to find someone who is willing to lead me on the same path whereby we enjoy the comfortable companionships and peaceful moments together.

Sometimes, I really unsure if I’m acting too naïve but I assure myself I’m good in expressing my own inner feelings. I simply wish to bring affections of joy and appreciation to who I always have on my mind. However, it’s not easy when one is being misled to different affections whereas I’ve been told to stop these affections which led to confusions instead -.-

I believe I’ve spent most time with my parents in this few months over the past 10 years since I survive independently. I’ve moved back to them since September although my parents and I still need time to fill in ourselves with the extra companionships.

I suppose I’ve been writing very random. There’re too many thoughts stuck in my head for the recent days but I’ve not find time to blurt all out.

Someone has questioned me if I agree I’m an impulsive person while a few of my old friends disagree with impulsive but explosive, haha! I as well think I’ve not impulsive for the past 4 years when I decided to settle down my wildness and waywardness =) I do reflect each pace I take carefully and occupied myself with more life goals. Friends for years are there to witness my evolvement.

No matter what, as I always say, I wish to have a shoulder to lean on to being me mentally encouragement. Hugging never fails to bring relief me and I’m stretching for someone to chit chat over random topics under the twinkle stars night.

I began to insist on path I chose along some pro & con analysis. I believe nobody would know what’s best for me besides me and I should have all rights to decide my destiny.

I pray to God, may he show me the light and spare me courage to continue the journey of life...

A Lost Feeling

2009-12-07T00:21:00.002+08:00

It’ll never be too late to give up when things don’t work out but we might be too late to realize, we’ve not tried best to work things out and miss out something or someone yet to be appreciated.

Shakespeare said, Love asks no questions but gives endless supports. We wouldn’t want to question what happened in the past but what will happen in the future by the efforts of both holding hands.

Perhaps I’ve been self-assured that things will work out ideally but aren’t you as well selfishly called things off before you even tried? We’ve both acted in our own ideals and paces. However, if the feelings don’t exist and we wouldn’t have messed up our paces but lost our rationality.

The relationship is yet so close, yet so far. We cannot deny that we both find a piece of peace and familiarity in one and another yet we have to also admit that we do not see the spark of love.

As I always say, a relationship is not about finding the right one but to have someone who wants to make things right with you. We might not able to meet someone an ideal person at the right timing, right place but we can definitely try to endeavor for an ideal relationship.

I can understand your dilemma due to too much uncertainty in thoughts and feelings while I supposed to give you some time and space to break it through. Yet still, I might have misled you too fast, too soon and too far.

Am I a good catch to you? The feeling is too casual because you are not ready to response at most time. I started to admire you because I think you’re kinda person who appreciate things and people. I hope you will at least try to work things out with me rather worry so much irrelevant unless, you think I’m not worthwhile your time and efforts at all.

This is how we started...

2009-12-02T20:53:00.000+08:00

We are alike. Somehow we sense a danger from being transparent as we seem can see through each other heart yet, there's no where to hide or perhaps yet, we wish we can actually express our feelings to one and another sometimes.

I hope I wasn't dreaming or fantasizing. I'm very sure of those moments when I knew, he wanted a hug or even a kiss... We are yet so close, yet so far... but neither of dare to initiate a primitive reaction without deep consideration. Perhaps we afraid of failure and injury. We might already not have those courage to fail again. We are both individual seeking for a secure future with someone who wants to make things right with one and another.

However, time spent with one and another is unexplainable warm and peaceful, as if we have known each other for a long time.

Sometimes, I felt he's treating me like a small little naive girl. Sometimes i feel so much cares and protections from him.

He's arrogant yet behaving like a baby who need pampers after a exhaustion day.

to be continued...

Chilled Birthday Celebration

2009-11-30T19:58:00.001+08:00

In order not to stress myself from any unnecessary events, I chosed to chill on my birthday =)

After a long week from celebrating and coordinating Hans & Sheryl 's wedding on 27th Nov, had great parties on Friday nights with whole bunch of Sovereignist in Velvet.

Had some luck partying and get spotted by a bunch of Singaporeans who're celebrating a bachelor's event over the weekend in KL. In fact I drove them around for lunch on the next day and chilled with them at poolside in hotel where we made friends and had a good chit chat sessions.

After that, I decided to chill at CCL's restaurant and wanted to ask him to go for a massage after closing but since he had late dinner and so we decided to go back to his house to watch an unfinished watching movie.

Thanks you all for wishing my birthday over SMS, calls and Facebook wall posts. Specially thanks to Matthew and Melvin who intentionally wanted to celebrate my birthday by catching a party night-out. Despite, sorry that I had enough of party fun on the previous night =P

I had a movie marathon for my birthday =p do not know how many movies I've watched actually LoLz Slept very late while awake since 10am which only make up to less than 5hours rest I guess. Watched another movie before went out for lunch in Endah Parade for my favorite Penang Jawa Mee ^^

Planned to go for movie in cinema and massage for the day but ended not doing any of it, haha~ Watched another movie in CCL's house and took a nap while he went back to shop to work. Actually I feel a little guilty for occupying his time but I do enjoy his companionship somehow. Like he said, we're just being too alike to one and another.

He came back by packed dinner and continue movie marathon til late. I thought of going home as I think my laundry might already frightened my mum, haha~ Yet still, it's late and tired to drive all way home. Eventually I spent another night to have a good rest over.

Today, I awake by alarm but simply too lazy and body aching to go to work. I decided to take leave and continue to sleep, haha~

CCL needs to settle some arrands today and so I offered my companionship. Hopefully we are able to catch a massage in a while soon as I desperately need one LoLz

Meanwhile, as he doesn't read my blog, or maybe not yet, perhaps I can share some thoughts over here... =P
I really enjoy CCL's companionship as we talk and share thoughts, able to chill to spend times together... Things are just being easy going. I enjoy the peaceful moments with chilled minded. I do not know the inner feelings clear enough to move a step forward but I wish the 'relationship' is given a chance to progress. No matter, thanks for the companionship rendered ^^

Happy Birthday to Myself

2009-11-28T22:30:00.000+08:00

In 96 minutes more, I'll be another year elder.
Appreciated for all calls, Sms-es, facebook posts to wish me Happy Birthday =)

Somehow I wonder, I did not have a "Happy" birthday before. Always ended up with arguments.
Therefore, I decided to have a peaceful birthday instead =)
Rejecting all kinds of celebration parties, invites but just want to spend some time for my own self in peace, to avoid from any kind of unhappiness which might arise, haha~

Anyhow, I asked someone to spend time with me on my birthday by doing some usual routine activities such as massage, movie... He said yes but wonder if he would change his mind later LoLz

PossibilitY

2009-11-22T14:02:00.001+08:00

What's the Possibility when a coin toss to the air and settle down with the same head or tail side?

We all human being, always live in Possibility. We choose, according to the guidance of Possibility. We make a decision, according to the Possibility graph.

What's Guidance of Possibility?
For example, You need to rush to a place during midnight within half an hour while you do not have a private transport.
For instant, your mind will start analyzing what can be the Possibility to accomplish the mission. Take a taxi, call your friend, cancel an appointment, etc. After the first level of Possibility choices, mind will start analyzing again, the cost, time consume, effectiveness, etc...

A person with good looking appearance always stand a higher chance which also known as higher possibility to attract another...
My friends always disagree with me for hard to find someone to spend time with me but it's a fact though...
Somehow, posibility of meeting someone who share same thoughts and same interest of topics is not as easy as we think... Unless we're willing to compromise...

Actually, reading back this post draft bring up some another thoughts.
What kind of possibility an ended relationship patched back together after a long while?

I had a 3 months relationship with one of my good friend last year. We got together naturally without a commitment given but eventually, we separated without knowing how and when too... As far as I know, he's a very nice person...

Until yesterday, gotta know that he had a car accident recently and so I dropped him a SMS. Surprisingly he asked me to catch up since we've not met for the past one year...
He told me what kind of feelings he had and he really appreciated every moments which happened in the past. He felt everything seem to be a dream for him... He hinted, he wants to take a chance to start a real relationship with me again... Should I? =)

Just another Update =)

2009-11-20T17:59:00.001+08:00

I really feel like making a blog post since i deserted for a longggg time. I really want to! but... i don't find the mood to signin ;p
It's been a roller coaster life for me in the past 6 months. Way up high to the sky and way deep down to the sea~ Had lotsa mood swing~ I find so hard to adjust myself to every single happens.
No matter how, life goes on.

Since I got back from ShenZhen, China during end of May, I took 5 months holiday. I've newly join Sovereign Wealth Management as a Personal Assistant to Director since end of September. Thank you my buddy Mike to tie the string for me ^^ It's been productive months and I started to feel motivated since working here~

Not much luck in relationship still. I thought I found someone who's able to commit but too much suspicious & lies which caused our love to hate. Pretty depressing. I seriously felt my breath have been taken away and dying... I thought again, I'll never love again.

Somehow, I realized my schedule even tighter when I'm being single =p I know I have tonnes of friends yet I wouldn't have appreciate moments spend together this much if I'm still attach to a relationship~

Love is being so subjective. I still believe, if someone is truly in love with someone, he/she will definitely do best to move all obstacles to make things work out. Undeniable, human being always tempted by pretty stuffs and I thought, Love doesn't exist in this world anymore...

Until recently week, there're two friends who proved that they're able to make a U-turn in love and realise they're going the wrong way! It's glad and thankful that they proved me Love does exist! I sincerely wish they'll appreciate of who they have in their arms now and happy ever after~

Seeing and knowing how my friends so much in love with their girlfriends, caring for her, admitting their faults and trying hard to make things work out... I feel happy yet jealous... Wonder when will my man appear and walk a journey with me =)

19 Nov 09 Update

2009-11-19T17:58:00.000+08:00

I've been hell tired for the past few weeks. Not getting enough of rest, having tight schedule full of work loads & activities... I barely have 5hours sleep each day!
When I look back, it's been already more than 3 months since I had depression and sleepless days.. which I once thought I might not overcome it this time...
Times fly. I've stood back up on my feet and continue the journey of my life. I do feel emotionally when memories flashed back in my head but not depress anymore...
I would like to thank all my brothers who accompany me and help me through during my hardest time. My brothers actually plan me activities and tiredless encourage me... I always feel so lucky to meet all these good and sincere brothers around and everywhere...

My days are getting more and more productive yet interesting each time since I rejoin the Singles army. For the first time I felt peace in myself and enjoying being the Singles days. Perhaps, I'm simply too busy to think about having a relationship. Not having a good choice laying around maybe. Somehow, I wish I will have a good companion soon to share and support each other mentally which should be able to encourage me to excel further...

It's almost 6pm now. I had a busy and sleepy day =p Not a chance for me get my rest early tonight again~ Gotta meet up potential client cum sales force for dinner... After that gotta attend the surprise pre-wedding party for my director in Rootz... sigh...

Anyhow, I should pack and go. Not getting over pay while I stay overtime too much LoLz
Hopefully I get more time to jot down the journey of my life more often then. Hugz all!

xoxo RasAngela

Relationship Complication Flu

2009-06-09T15:47:00.004+08:00

P|ayer |n Re|ationship, not pc games... LOL
So, what're the criteria must have in a P|ayer?
Let's see.....

Appearance included facial features, body shape, hairstyle
Personality somehow charming, funny, out-going
Intelligence in act if you know everything
Wealth? not a must somehow......

How do a P|ayer pick up a victim?
What do P|ayer gets in return?
Can everybody become a P|ayer?
Why makes someone become a P|ayer?

Many sees me as a P]aygirl before. I can't deny but admit it. How am I going to explain that I was serious and appreciated each and everyone I had yet I don't seem to be settled down in any relationship til now?
Nobody would believe when I say I don't cheat, I don't lie in a relationship. It's up to you to believe or not. I'm asking for fully truthful man to accompany me to walk the journey in the rest of my life.
Is it wrong to fall in love with someone who you shouldn't?

How do we judge who is the third party in a relationship?
One of my friend says, third party is someone intercept into a relationship whereby the couple are still in love.
Another friend thinks, third party exists when a couple in a relationship doesn't love each other anymore.
Another thinks, one of the main act in the initial couple needs a third party to make him/her feels a even better person.
Even though there're plenty of choices and opportunities laying around but why do people would involve themselves into these kinda heart ache complications?

Perhaps, human tend to like torturing their own mind? lolz

I think, we tend to choose what we Want rather than what we Need in life.
It's not rational, yet we always feel better deep in our heart even though we are being disappointed and discouraged at times. Whatever it is, do not regret for which ever choice you made.

Why Lie?

2008-12-30T16:11:00.003+08:00

No doubt, Everyone wants to be perfect. No blame.
but, perfections come after hard effort.
Lying, is to cover a mistake.
Worse, Lying itself is a mistake.

Why human likes to create a story to peace another?
Isn't it hurts more when another find out the truth?
If another finds unhappy with your initial truth,
At least you've done best not to do a mistake.

Lying leaves side effects.
Confidence, Faith, Trust, will all vanish when knowing a lie.
Why can't we be real?
Isn't it harder to create a fairy tale or inexistance stories rather than say the truth?

All relationships, build with trust.
Lie, will only ruin the trust.
Ruining a trust equals to disappointment.
How can a relationship sustain in suspicious?

No one is perfect.
But lying is a dead sentence.
Be good, be real.
Perfectionists will only exist in the virtual world.

xenophobia vs schizophrenia: 26 worst traits of an eligible bachelor...

2008-12-26T00:18:00.001+08:00

xenophobia vs schizophrenia: 26 worst traits of an eligible bachelor...

Sometimes it’s nothing wrong to be the more popular person among your peers but being the ‘best’ could bring the worst interpretation you could ever imagine from an unlikely audience or someone you desire. Whether it's a "HE" or "She" gets the same responds at times.

1. He’s good looking; he is a flirt.
2. He’s compassionate; he’s an unlikely leader.
3. He’s ambitious; he’s not practical.
4. He’s gentle; he’s not manly.
5. He’s smart; he’s hard to understand.
6. He’s considerate; he thinks too much.
7. He’s a visionary; he’s too complicated.
8. He’s sensitive; he’s over emotional.
9. He’s reputation conscious; he’s over image conscious.
10. He’s confident; he’s arrogant.
11. He’s decisive; he’s heartless.
12. He’s funny; he’s too playful.
13. He’s individualistic; he’s selfish.
14. He’s matured; he’s boring.
15. He’s neat; he’s fussy.
16. He’s stylish; he’s not dependable.
17. He’s charming; he’s not trustworthy.
18. He’s humorous; he’s never serious.
19. He’s determined; he’s inflexible.
20. He’s independent; he’s an outcast.
21. He’s popular; he’s untamable.
22. He’s flexible; he’s weak.
23. He’s straightforward; he's blunt.
24. He’s cultured; he’s boring.
25. He's shy; he's a coward.
26. He has principle; he’s too stubborn.

Sometimes the right audience do make a lot of difference ;)

A true story, Different in Men & Women

2008-12-24T00:49:00.002+08:00

A couple, live in a house.

One day, husband came back home from work, after taking a shower and passed by kitchen, over heard his wife sobbing quietly in the kitchen. He thought:

"My wife must have meet some difficulties. I better leave her alone to sort out her problem. She should not want to be disturbed." He walk away to the living hall and watch TV, pretend that he doesn't know bout it.

After 2 hours, he did not see his wife come out from kitchen. He went to check out his wife again but he heard her crying even sadder this time. He thought:

"She must be sad that I disturbed her by turning on the TV as she can't solve her problem quietly. I should give her some quiet privacy to think." He's then go back to the room and fell to sleep after some moment.

During the next day morning wake up, he wanted to drink water. As he approached to the kitchen, he heard his wife crying more dramatically! He thought:

"Darn! I shouldn't have stay in the house as my existence disturb her privacy to solve her problem. She can't fully utilize the space in the house and it must be hard for her to hide in the kitchen to think!" He's then get ready to work quickly.

He was afraid that his wife might not know that he went out. He close the main door hard so that his wife would know that he went out. Too, he rev his car hard to create some exhaust noise to ensure to his wife that he's already left the house.

Eventually, his wife came out from kitchen. She committed suicide in the hall. Many thinks that she was over depressed as she doesn't get any care and respond from her husband even though he should have heard her crying.

Husband was so sad about it but that's nothing can do anymore. The story was told by the husband. He got all kinds of blame from family members and friends, blaming him for not bother to ask his wife, "What's wrong?"

He was regret even though he didn't think that he did wrong. Till now, he doesn't know what's wrong going with his wife, and it couldn't be important anymore as his wife is dead.

Men are more self centered person. Always think that problem can be solved by themselves without bother anyone and prefer not to have anyone to bother them. Men wouldn't want to speak of what's problem they're facing, especially to their love one. The harder you push them to tell, the harsher responds you got.
At times, men will share their problem if they think it's appropriate, which will not arise any discomfort to the person he tells.
Men will seek for opinions when they need one.

While Women unlikely want to tell their problems, even though they can't solve it. They usually give hints by showing their emo face, shedding tears out of a sudden... They want the man ask, "What's wrong, my dear?" They want to feel more care and alert from their love one. Oppositely, women will only blah out all the small small matters which easily to be solved.

At my opinion, communication is important in a relationship. Two are meant to be One. Sharing is essential to keep the relationship going, regardless ups, or downs. Caring will come in place only after knowing what's happening.

Show some love, to your loves one, to anyone, before it's too late~

UPDATES!

2008-12-23T11:35:00.004+08:00

Hey all, it's been 5 months without any update from me in this blog.
There's been many happens to me within this 5 months. Ups and Downs. Life is definitely look like a roller coaster :p

Since July, I'm fully committed myself in paintball, training on every Sunday in MAPAAC (Malaysian Paintball Academy) located Astaka field, PJ. There've been 3 times paintball tournament been participated in Division 4 (Young Gun) whereby I formed my own team Wolfpack since October to play in the finale round of MY-NPL (Malaysian National Paintball League) in November and my team has been proudly won the 1st runner-up just after few times training!

I'm happy that I met someone who's lovable to take care of me and our relationship is officially blosom since August :) I knew him since year 2006. We got to know each other from the automotive industry. We both love cars, especially rotary, we both love outdoor and extreme games, he's playing in Division 1 (Amateur) team in MY-NPL. He's my current team manager and his team Wolverinez is my team coach! haha!

I've then moved to USJ 1 with my love. Beautiful place. cooling. Despite the construction opposite my condo has not finished which create noice in the day time :(

I'm currently helping out the organization MY-NPL for their PR works. I know it'll be lotsa fun working with these people as they're friendly and kind people. This organization deserves all kind of support as they;ve been devoted and passion about paintball throughout so many years, yet they don't want to give up even though they went through alot of hard times!

Cut all short, I'm still ALIVE and being good. Hopefully, I'm able to keep up with writing you guys some good post in the near future as the internet LAN connection at my condo here is kinda fuck up most of the time LOL

Till then, take care all, hugs!

Luck

2008-08-06T15:58:00.001+08:00

I congrate those who are reading this

      &

already found their true love…

Because true love is not easy to get…

I know…

Because I experienced it…

           The failure…

                      The risks…

               The odds… disadvantageous…

NO tactic can obtain or conquer TRUE LOVE

Is all depends on your luck...

                         When u lucky...

                      you might get one

     Sometimes get more than one

But me… I have a brilliant tactic...

But I dun have luck…

Because all the battles that I’ve been thru

                         I dun add the element LUCK into it…

I simply FIGHT for it...

Free Will

2008-07-05T16:30:00.004+08:00

Hey hey hey~ I'm fully tied up with my heavy work load schedule recent week, as well busy to keep reload myself with lotsa of fun as usual~
Work Hard, Play Harder as me and frens alwiz do :)

Recently, I've read a very interesting book. Its titled "God's Debris" about "Thought Experiment" :) I've repeated reading it 3 times...
Anyone who loves to play around with your thoughts will definitely love this book :) Let me know if u wish to have a copy for reading since it's in an acrobat file :)

I'm gonna share some thoughts about each and every topic whereby it somehow reflects in our life. Let's see how much we understand about human thoughts and more importantly, improve ourself by understand it!

Do you think human have Free Will?

Do you think we are able to control our Free Will?

When we choose to do something according to our Free Will, why is there "Regret" and "Blame"?
Aren't we are the one who make the decision on the path?
When the results didn't turn out as what we expected and we blame our "Fate" and "Destiny"? We regret for making that choice?

Do you still agree we human-being have Free Will?

“An imaginary coin with consciousness would believe that things don’t just ‘happen’ without causes. If nothing external controlled the results of the flips, a penny would assume that the control came from its own will"

We always believe what's believable.
We choose, which is easier to be understand and convince ourself.

"We believe in the scientific principle that any specific cause, no matter how complex, must have a specific effect. Therefore, we believe two realities that cannot both be true. If one is
true, the other must be false."

If the result is not what we expect, then our decision is wrong.
If our decision has been made right, then the result should be right?!!

Our human being always forget about the in-between possibility.
Or, we did not want to accept the possibility of in-between happen.

"Simplicity is not proof of truth. But since we can never understand true reality, if two models both explain the same facts, it is more rational to use the simpler one. It is a matter of convenience."

That's why many of us couldn't grow up because we are stucked in the middle of this mist. We never learn our "mistake" and simply believe it's being destined or fated to the unwanted results.
I believe, if we can further analyze a failure choice been made, there'll be more details to be noted in the future decision making moments!

As we always encourage another, "Decision is in Your Hand".
Your Free Will makes you action.
Actually, I believe everyone has Free Will, whether it outcomes expected or unexpected results, it depends on how you to judge it, how you manage it.

Live your life to the Fullness,
Do what you Want, Get what you Need,
You made your choice,
You deserve the consequences.

Believe, everyone has Free Will.
Respect one and another Free Will.
Free Will is Willingness alone.

Kena Tagged by UncleJosh

2008-06-30T15:03:00.001+08:00

Kena tagged by UncleJosh

Real name: Wong Hui Yin
Nickname: Ras; Angela
Married: Never married
Zodiac Sign: Saggitarius
Male or Female: Female

High School: SMK Subang Jaya & SMK Taman Sri Muda
College: Stamford College Jalan 223, PJ
Short or long hair: Long
Are you a health freak?: Not really~ but i maintain certain healthy activities but too much concern on a healthy lifestyle~
Height: 173cm
Do you have a crush on someone?: yep, i think so~ *blush*
Do you like yourself?: Definitely but not satisfy on current myself yet~
Piercings: 7 on left ear, 3 on right ear and belly piercing
Right of lefty: Right handed

FIRST*
First surgery: nop
First piercing(s): First with piercing gun on both ears, First piercing with needle on left ear :)
First best friend: I would say, Theresa :) even though we hardly see each other now but connection is forever remained~
First award: Kindergarden i think~ Dance act as a Japanese doll :p
First sport you joined: eeerr climb tree, climb hill, jungle trekking haha~ as I stay w my grandma during younger age~ badminton is a common sport which i first joined.
First pet: :/ Rock Wailer? or a rabbit~
First vacation: Locally is difficult to determine, oversea is Singapore
First concert: First and the one and only so far is Kelly Chen Dyna Carnival 2003 which I'm actually working as the Event Manager and so I'm required to be thr aft all LoL
First crush: Why din the author put this question as "Crash" rather than "Crush"? Crush as in having feeling with a person or love a person? I remain silence to answer this :p

CURRENTLY*
Eating: Just got out of bed
Drinking: haven't drink anything
I’m about to: go for dimsum~! weee~!

YOUR FUTURE*
Wants kids: hmmm... I don't know as I know I would be kinda perfectionist in my own way which I don't want my child to suffer under my guidance also :p I love kids anyway~
Want to get married: Used to want marriage alot~ Current wish to be a amazing wedding but not really a marriage yet LoL I've been wearing a bridal dress too many times :P
Careers in mind: Challenges which able to trigger my passion & interest which comes with good income too :)

WHICH ONE IS BETTER*
Lips or eyes: Eyes.
Hugs or kisses: I always want Hugz, Kisses remain to someone I've special feeling ;)
Shorter or taller: I prefer Shorter for Objects, Taller for Living Objects
Romantic or spontaneous: Can I choose Romantically Spontaneous? Romantic always comes first~
Nice stomach or nice arms: First attraction to me is Chest :( Hmmm I think Nice Stomach paired with thin or fat arms is Better than muscular arms with roundish stomach LoL
Trouble maker or hesitant: Yea, it has to be a little bit of both :)

HAVE YOU EVER*
Kissed a stranger: define a stranger? Define a kiss? LoL
Drank bubbles: yep... I love champagne stil~
Lost glasses or contacts: I always have many pairs of sunglasses to keep in stock LoL
Run away from home: Once... when I was 18 :( Argued with daddy over a phone call. Went out stay in friend's house for 3days only as my dad report a police LoL
Liked someone younger: Liked, yes. but usually not Likes...
Liked someone older: Liked, as always, and also Likes :)
Broken someone’s heart: Yes..... SomeoneS' hearts... :(
Been arrested: Happened being arrested by teacher during high school only~
Turned someone down: yea, in what sense? Turned down on a relationship, yes. Hardly turn down someone who ask for help~
Cried when someone died: Twice which they are my direct relative (grandma and grandpa) funerals~
Liked a friend: Yes..... I liked, likes and will LOVE my friends :)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN*
Yourself: Who else can I believe to keep myself continue survive?
Miracles: YES.... there always do~
Love at first sight: Yes, but feeling doesn't flow with reality~
Heaven: Would someone tells me when you got there?
Sex on the first date: This is not a believe, this is about happened. LoL
Angels: Else why my name is Angela? There's Devils, There's Angels.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY*
Is there one person you want to be with right now: Yes....
Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time: Yes....
Do you believe in God: Yes...
I don't know how to elaborate on these 3 questions further which I don't want to write an essay to elaborate :p

This Tagged is bored and nothing special~ Don't wanna to waste anyone time unless you feel like it to be Tagged by me~ :)

* Need & Want *

2008-06-24T06:13:00.005+08:00

Oh my God... I just finished my meeting, got home shower, facebooking a little and lying on my bed. I supposed to sleep, I think~ It's 538am now!

I wish I can finish a blog post whereby it doesn't bored you guys... Somehow it's just a thought sharing but I don't feel like writing it up without beautify it... arrrggghhh~ this topic is one of my favourite thought recently while I'm urge to share...
I Want to share it although I don't Need to~
By the way, my waistline muscle is feeling cramp as I went for my paintball & bowling training in a same day during last Sunday :)
I know I don't Need to suffer my life~ haha~

Do people understand what's Need and Want?
Do people differ what's Need and Want?
Do people realize what's Need and Want?

As for myself, I eat to live, not live to eat as I do it when I Need it while not simply because I Want it.
People would only understand when I say, most people work cos they Need to and definitely nobody Want to!

Same happen to relationship. Most people commit to a relationship of when they realize they Need it or simply Want it for God sake?
Somehow we only understand the situation when people get married because they Need to although they don't Want to! haha~
Guess u know what I meant :p

Some friends have been complained, saying that his/her partner betrayed in relationship.
Sad sad sad~ unWanted incidents happened.
I believe, his/her partner simply not mature enough to judge, what he/she Need in a relationship while he/she thinks current relationship is not what he/she actually Want as he/she thinks that his/her partner is not fulfilling what he/she Need no matter how well is his/her partner would Want to work out in the relationship!

Practically, most of us are on a path require things we Want in order to fulfill the Need in that particular moment!
I question: Do we ask for sex when we Need it or simply we Want it?

Most of the time, we do thing or ask for something when we Want it while having a thought of Needing it. We somehow too lazy to think or judge further if we really Need it~
It's kinda proven when comes to Girls Shopping Time! All girls would say "I Need these many pairs of shoes", "these many dresses" and so on... but she started to regret when she found out later after over-spending, which she bought too much junk of what she doesn't Need!

Basically,

WANT something / someone is just a desire.

It can be controlled by our logical minding system and change it.

Technically,

NEED something / someone is being destined.

It somehow cannot be changed or being controlled by human. Something which are happened naturally at most time.

We should really spare some time for ourself to determine what we actually Need in life and also what we Want in life.

Human being cannot be satisfied with what's Needed to be done without concern of what ourself Want to be done!
We NEED to balance it out.
Find your own way to analyze on your own, you will somehow...

Realizing what you Want;
Knowing what you Need.
Judging what you Need;
Deciding what you Want.

Usually doing what we Needs don't hurt another,
while chasing after what we Wants sometimes could.

However, human never can be perfect, we just confusing at times.
We might live easier by doing what we Need.
We would live happier when doing what we Want.

My NameSsssSss

2008-06-21T00:12:00.002+08:00

Often people are curious about my NameS or ethnic.
Should I be happy? or it's just a general knowledge matter?

Eurasion might just have a name with a Chinese surname at the back. Since my name has a glam and real name, I simple sorted them to be the same format~

Let's start... I am a PURE CHINESE ^.^

My Chinese name is Hui Yin with its Chinese characters meaning as "Shines".
My surname is Wong and I don't think I got further elaboration for it LoL
My mum gave me the name Angela when I was 12, I think... Somehow it means "Angelic" whereby I don't feel I am, haha!
I got my glam name Ras as in a short form from RASmenn in Spanish when I was 19. If I not mistaken, the name means Noble, Gentle & Outstand.

Apparently, my friends who got to know me during primary school call my Chinese name.
My friends in secondary schools and college call me Angela.
Since 19years old onwards, I'm being introduced mostly with Rasmenn but lazy ppl started to call it short form during year 2004 and there's left only the word Ras.

By the way, there's a screen name I used during college which is Mizusawa whereby it means "Child of Water" in Japanese :p

I'm not sure what else should I explain about my NameS again...
No matter what is the name I've known to you,
I am who I am.

* RASMENN ANGELA WONG HUI YIN *

Ug|iness after BrokeUp

2008-06-20T13:54:00.009+08:00

How cruel can a reality fact be?
Sometimes, relationship just don't work out in a way which one party think or wish. How can it turns out to be Ugly Faces during Break Up?!!

|| Curse, Yell, Argue, Fight ||

Nowadays living has so much more seductions... Communication within human and human is getting so much easier compare to my parents' teenage days...

People around the places started a new relationship easily.
Easy Come, Easy Go.
Nowadays people tend to "Fall In Love" easier compare to the elders. They've too separated easily only after a short time.

There's so much happiness spent together,
There's so much memories created,
There's so much promises had been made,
End with both heart-breaks.

Have these couples ever think, they have been in love with each other so much before. They might have even say, Love forever such and such, but they turned out to ignore each other when the relationship does not work out!

I know, Human beings do have feelings. We might have depressed when we realized ourself walking on a different path. We should depressed, we really should. I encouraged it but not over-doing. It's a time to get a whole new experience in life and we're OLD enough to handle situations right?

Whereby a relationship is being turned down with disloyal & disrespect issues, have we remembered being taught to FORGIVE?
And also: What's meant to be is to be and what's meant not to will never do~ Face the fact, accept it and Live On!

There's no right or wrong in relationships. All I know it's...
time has been spent with each other,
the path which accompanied side by side,
loneliness has filled with care & love...
Why seldom couples could move on to Friendship after an un-blossom Relationship?

My x-bf, Daniel.L borrowed a paintball equipment from me last week and I need it back for Sunday game. He was at home and he's hungry. I tapao for him on the way to his house. While I took my chance to take a quick shower, his friend pop up out from no where and he's surprised that how can we continue with such close relationship even after Broke Up?

I don't know about what's about the others think. I kept in touch with most of my ex-bfs and some of us work out better to be Friends after Broke Up. Shouldn't human synchronize that way instead of avoiding seeing each other or cursing one another behind?

Fate brought us together,
Destiny took us apart,
Happiness is all we want to share,
Friends Forever.

Some might still think that my concept of living is

insane and ridiculous.

However, this is who I am Sentimental & Emo.
I live my life Happy, ask for No Regrets.

Dreams Or Rea|ity

2008-06-19T05:07:00.010+08:00

I saw Aaron posted this statement on his MSN:

"Would you rather chase your Dreams
or catch up the Reality?"

It's kinda difficult to determine huh? Yet we have to make a decision on this statement in our daily life... Especially when comes to career wise~

Let's say, you Dream to become a singer since young while you're already working as an engineer after 4years studies with hundreds of thousands spent while current pay is considered promising... But you got an offer to release an album on your own within one year time in condition of working full time for the album without a basic income... Which do you choose?

Let's say, your long time Dream lover confess to you on the night before your engagement with a girl who is also beautiful and kind-hearted girl... How would you handle?

The decision is definitely tricky huh?

Although I'm always emo and sentimental... I have fall many times on making a decision to choose to chase after my Dream AS I have this thought in mind that I'm still young enough to experience and handle failures.
Current choice would be definitely, Take the Reality opportunity or fact!

I gave away a few of opportunities when I insisted to work as a full time model during year 2003 and 2004.
Firstly I refused an absolute good offer pay of job position in Naza. Then I refused a few other job offers which have brighter expected future. I'm not sure if I've made a right choice~ Maybe there's no right or wrong~
Because... If I would have taken any offer, I wouldn't be honoured as a Miss Malaysia with another 6 titles beauty queen & professional model. I wouldn't be known as Ras Wong to anybody...

I met good guys before and I gave up on these relationships. I wouldn't say I've met a Perfect guy yet as these good guys are good as in they're seriously treat me as his whole world and love me deeply. I enjoy my life under their shield but, I think I've greedily want my Perfect guy according to my own preferences... While I'm kinda insist it still~ Haha!

I'm turning 25years old by end of this year. I think I've experienced enough for chasing my Dreams. It's time to do more Pros and Cons thinking for the future.
Maybe it's time to learn to be more materialistic now.

Work out in the Reality,
Success it to be a Dream.

I feel lucky for the recent two months. Generous offers have been given around and I feel proud of myself somehow, hehe! More Pros and Cons to be worked out to judge on decision making mainly to determine on which would bring me promising income for the near future, haha!

No matter you choose to chase a Dream or catch the Reality,
I wish you All The Best!
Cheers!

Mah bEstFr|EndS

2008-06-18T17:38:00.007+08:00

After watching the movie "Made Of Honour" in TGV One Utama last night with Sern, guess we both are inspired of knowing what's thinking in ourself, how to put a word for "our relationship", haha!

First of all, I must make my effort to thank Advertlets for sharing ONE FULL CINEMA HALL with 225 seats to watch "Made of Honour" for FREE!
Personally I enjoy the environment before the movie with lotsa bloggers taking photos around, Everyone has been friendly and sociable enough to say hi and introduce each other, Flashes which you won't be able to find in other cinema hall (Bloggers = Camwhore?) and I personally enjoy the movie alot alot!

For the previous month, me and Sern were kinda struggling on making the "relationship" clear. As I said in my previous blog entry, we are clicked in many sense, but we are afraid to be tie up with a committed relationship~

I don't know what's Sern thinks about himself. As I know myself, I would have spend too much time, energy and might sacrifice everything for a truly relationship that I want. Mainly for both happiness & sharing, I guess. I love to be pampered, haha! Who doesn't huh?

Sern has been so nice, trying so hard to explain the situation and condition in "our relationship" as I finally realized, he's concerned of how I might injured if I fall in love without knowing what's happening.

As for my part, I'm kinda annoyed with Sern for repeating tell me about he doesn't want to be tie up, he's not a right guy to be tie up, so and so... I'm not ready for a committed relationship either... But, I would love to have a STEADY friendship~

At Last~~~ the story line of the movie we watched together "Made of Honour" with holding hands, we got the ideal answers for both of us to say to each other!

For the time being, we are going through somehow like the story line edy... We wouldn't know if we will end the same to the beautiful storyline after 10 YEARS later if I find myself a foreigner... haha!
But, but.... No way I'm getting married at age of 35 man~ I'll be dead ugly and old!

Actually, there's a few more "Best Friend" like Sern to but maybe Sern's place is the nearest hangout for me to chill after work, so I tend to call him more often. Somehow too because we have similar past-time: share thoughts when we chat :)

I guess, I should have mentioned my another "Best Friends" before he found out & jealous, haha!

I Love You both, HowSern and MikeYong.

Even If I didn't fall in love after years or I don't appoint any of you to be my "Made Of Honour" on my wedding,
You are "Best Friends", in my memory forever :)

Words to Sern

2008-06-16T17:58:00.005+08:00

We met each other for the very first time on 26th April 08 (Sunday) afternoon in Kanna Curry House, Sec17.
Appreciation dropped to Aaron for indirectly introduced us to each other :)
Somehow, we've later found out, we got soooo many mutual friends and I even knew your brother for years while we've not even met before!

You wasn't outstand to me during the first met, except having an impression that you asked about me alot, you talked to me alot... We exchanged contacts at the end of the yumcha session. You said you would call me for yumcha as you happened to come by near my staying area often.

We met second time after a week or so for dinner in a group.
Even though Aaron supposed to be the one who update me for friends' group meet up but you have became the one who SMS me randomly in a day and I get updates from you directly...
Actually I've not told you that, I somehow feel a lil "scared" when you paid for my lunch or dinner, you joked with random words such as "work hard for partner", "start to miss", "rent a place in same apartment", so and so... As I know I'm not ready for a relationship.

17th May 08, I woke up late. I called you up to catch up for lunch. You've been caringly asked to make an order for me before I arrived.
I called you again at 4pm. Although I supposed to be back in workshop but I had argument with my ex-partner over random stuffs. Somehow, I thought that I want to chill with you... I thought of you!

By the way, I didn't know you and Chek were twin as I can differentiate you both significantly since start... Haha~ So, I thought the day is going to be Chek's birthday soon until I found out you both are actually twin in the evening through conversation :p

After paragraphs of words, the story finally starts here...
I was emotional when I met you in your house, whereby it's a chilling station for the group for most of the time. I searched for comedy DVDs as I need something to cheer my mood up! You've accompanied me watch a movie side by side, getting closer and closer, eventually we lean against each other, holding hands.

I'm doing hard to control my feelings and thoughts. It was so warm in every sense while we leaned close to each other. I'm afraid to commit in a relationship while I like the moments of we're sharing. I wasn't sure what about you but I had so much random thoughts in my mind start rolling~ even though heartbeats were normal :)

I went out to the balcony to take deep breathe with fresh air... Ops, not fresh tho as I went to smoke actually :p You came close from behind, slowly wrap your arms around my waist, hold me tight, smell my hair and kiss my shoulder gently...
Boy, this is a moment which I would remember for my life. The feelings, senses, everything seem happened smoothly and seem it just meant to be.

I know, and you knew as well, we're somewhat meant to be but we can't take it for granted in another hand.

I'm curious of what in me attracts you at the start but these criteria are just not enough to overtake the fear in you to be attached. Since you mentioned emotionally unavailable, would it be same case like I'm afraid, fall into a relationship without self conscious and affected with current what's need to be done esp career?

Boy, do you know I'm feeling emo as you do over this "relationship" too? Your emo affected me.

I don't want to take care of your emo just like you don't want to take care of an emo girl too. We know we can overcome by ourself but don't you think having someone giving mentally support is a blessed?

I didn't tell you many thoughts of myself.
But even though you told me yours, I don't understand somehow.

You've stated clearly to me for what you're looking in a relationship.
Now I realized, We both similar for thinking not want a commitment but...
I spared a room to make this possible relationship work.
You simply want to have a walk to the side of someone on a road, having random chats and farewell.

I thought we agreed by working it with "Compromise". We have heard each other said, how is our dream lover to be and we knew ourself, we can be "The One" for each other...
We both wanted to get rid of our "emotional" somehow.

Throughout this one month, when I realized I'm falling, I would try to control and hold back, continuing walking on a same path with you, without stop or turn. I enjoy myself like this as I get motivated.
You chose to make a turn at a junction as you felt burden for doing it, always need to stay alert to control and hold back, Am I right?

I'm not sure of how you actually think. As for myself, as I told you since long ago, There's no room for us to be purely friends again if we don't compromise to work things out. We desire for each other physically kinda much. We pitch and share for new ideas from each alot too...

Actually, I hope we can move back to the state whereby no feelings and emotions have been involved. The fact which you realized too, it's kinda impossible.

I'm looking for a relationship with no commitment bound until one another living, thinking and emotionally well prepared to handle any consequences.
Whereby there's no bound and tie-up in whatever I NEED to do, by having someone SPECIAL to share a thought, care for each other and mentally support.

Main point which I insist in this "relationship", it's because I don't to "regret" for not having a walk with u in the journey of my life. simply as, I dunwan to miss a thing in life.

Thank you for respecting me. I know how hard you tried to make things clear, but you started with wrong moves. Thank you anyway~

I've too struggle with feelings and emotion as you do.
I thought we're doing good so far Actually, you took care of my feelings too much.

I wish we can remain the same.
Let us treat each other "BEST FRIEND"..
We don't even need to worry anything at all while we meet.
All we need to do is to 'tidy' our own feelings in a way.

If you think, the statement "I MISS YOU" has put you a burden somehow, I stop.
I thought it's a bless to have someone miss a person, No?
Many words I said and they're supposed like making fun with friends but you took them seriously~

Although I have written such long post, I couldn't put my feelings into right words yet.
There're more thoughts to share and moments to explore.
At last, I've my words to express all "ties" in this "relationship.

I want a friend, who is close enough to SHARE anything.
I'm clear that If We Are Meant To Be, We Will Be.
Definitely not in the near future one or two years issue...

You got my words?
I'm cool~ I'm clear~ Cheers? :)

Imaginations

2008-06-15T22:41:00.005+08:00

Imaginations can be scary sometimes. Especially when you find yourself live in a world, which you couldn't differentiate the reality and virtually...
I've watch the movie "The Missings" just now and I myself, highly recommended YOU to watch this movie as it's very meaningful and it also somehow, reveal lots of ideas about human "minding". By the way, I have not fell in love with a movie soooo much since a long long time~ This movie excites my nerves and senses and my heartbeats increased...

Actually everyone lives in their own imagination world. Our brain simply too mystery to be discovered with current world technology...

When comes to relationship, especially girls, she can somehow create non existence imaginations about her relationship or partner when she fall in love with the person so much~ It sound scary but it always happen. This what we usually called "suspicious"...
When comes to parents, some would imagine their children are soooo clever and indirectly pressure their child to the path of death.
When comes to work, employers always think that they are always "right". When a task or project caused failure, the employees are to be blamed. Somehow these employers lose their precious employees while appreciation has deceased.
Some people think that they do psychic or prediction or so called having 6-sense. I'm not sure how many of they are real or simply caused by self created imagination by influence.

I have to admit, I myself live in a world of self imagination.
Sometimes, I couldn't determine which is real or virtual.
I thought I met someone while I actually not, but somehow I know his/her name or background?
I thought I did something while I actually not, but somehow the task is incomplete?
I thought I went somewhere while I actually never been, but somehow all scenes and things look familiar to me!

There're a few ridiculous events happened to myself especially during my teenagers:
1. I've not meet my dad's friend but I know who he is, where he stay, how many children he has and so on~
2. I've not cheat on my exam papers but I already "knew" the questions which I think I "saw" it...
3. I've not been to a place during a family trip. Every scenes along the journey looked familiar to me. I can even mentioned what are the buildings in the town but my parents confirmed that WE have not been there...
There're other few events which I don't want to mention / take too long time to mention / forgot... these happens caused me lost my mind and logic... I feel scared of my own thinkings sometimes... but...

Without imaginations, there's no creative, as well inventions.

How many of us could control our own imagination?
Limit it without falling living in a virtual life?

No matter how busy you are, always learn to let go and relax.
Life is short. Learn to enjoy it to the fullness.
May you all have a clear mind in a happy world :)
Life supposed to be fun, human supposed born to be happy,
So, enjoy it.

Define a Good Working Opportunity

2008-06-11T19:24:00.004+08:00

First of all, I'm at a different emo at current status as my physically is reaching the maximum exhausted level... Even though I had enough rest hours for my past one week but I guess my personal daily schedule too piled up... As I remember, I dream non stop for the whole night sleep, darn!

I love spending time with Friends... I have many groups of friends but I started to find myself not having enough days to spend with all of the groups :p No matter, Friends are always there to care. I know you guys would understand me huh~ haha!

Back to the topic. How to define a Good Working Opportunity? Can someone tell me, what's ur goal in your career?

Money? Fame? Challenge? Power?

What are the other goals out there...

I always think that I know myself very well. I always think that I know what I want and how to make a right decision. Still, I was stuck of making a decision for my career future during the past 2 weeks... All good offers came to me at the same time. It seem trying to make me put my luck into a test!

Getting offers to be be self-employed as well taking a good position working in an International company are amazing~ Both offers arrived at the same time, which to let go? In fact, they're another few more good offers but I've scanned & skimmed it down left to these two offers only.

I do not understand, why some people would work for others, taking a high position in an international company and they could just treat it to be a lifetime career?
As what I heard, they want to skip away from all problems and unexpected heart-attack scenario during self-employed! ah-duh~~~

I was kinda been self-employed and being employed. I find work is all the same. It basically needs your effort to be sacrificed in order to get paid but the chances of not getting appreciation stands the same. Unless I'm born rich with filthy wealth to spend, I guess I would enjoy every single job given as I can solve any problem with $$$ itself! :p At least, I need not to worry too much on a question "how to survice" LoL Too bad, the fact is I'm not a born Princess.

I'm financially support myself since I'm 14 years old, until now. As your information, I live on my own since I'm 17. It doesn't mean that my family don't love me but it simply a sad case for not able to support me too much and I hope myself being a child to the family wasn't a burden to them. I love my papa mama for training me to be independent since very very young~ You'll be surprised of my abilities to keep myself survive.

Actually, I have already make up my decision for my future. Plenty of goals have been set for the next one year. I tried to strict myself harder in order to achieve in time. As for more details about it, I will include it later when everything is being confirmed ;p

Somehow, I find myself sometimes would also think silly & naive, which I want to let a fortune teller to decide a path for me whereby I suppose to go meet her on this Friday! Hmmm...... I think I should go and see her still~ Haha~

Last sentence for today, I'm not quite Fuck-up yet :p

My Horoscope

2008-06-04T18:31:00.002+08:00

* Love & Sex *

2008-06-03T14:41:00.004+08:00

" Love Is Optional ,
Sex Is Essential "

How many of you actually agreed on this statement?
I got many fast respond when I changed my MSN messenger personal type list with this statement... Even though it's late night 3am!
Continuously receiving respond from friends on MSN... Mostly agreed with it.
But, Can everyone apply this to reality living? What kinda world would it be? Everyone just hang around, flirt around without exploring "true love"? Is there "true Love" after all? It would be another topic to be discussed later~

Many of us alwiz confused that Sex is included in Love. Isn't Love & Sex are separated?

Some Love comes without Sex to be an issue,
But some Sex becomes to be an issue in Love.
Some Love will faced issue in Sex,
But Sex itself don't really face an issue to be in Love

Why some think Sex comes when there's Love?
Do they ever thought, you might not enjoy the Sex part in your Love?

Why some think Love in order to get Sex?
Have they respect what Love is?

This is a Yin-Yang world.
Nobody can actually live without Love nor Sex (*As for monk, I don't know how they handle it*)
As for myself, I can have Love without Sex or another way round~ ;)

No matter how, wish you all have good Sex in Love :)

Emotiona| 280508

2008-05-29T00:48:00.004+08:00

Been busy working since all day...
Somehow, I feel the breeze in the morning, somehow good mood and bought breakfast back office while greet everyone "morning" in my MSN list...
When the day is getting later, my mood slide down lower... I wonder why~
I tried to clear my mind by working hard on proposal til 10pm+... it's the latest time I ever work since the past one month my stay in Advertlets...
After work, tried to call up someone to have dinner with me... Sigh~ either they are in outstation or they need to be in bed soon, Fuck! it's not a good day for friends' gathering wei...
Moody moody moody drove home.
Emotionally, wouldn't really want to share what's really bothering in thoughts.
Summary, I wish to be more logical rather than being controlled by my Emotional~
Hell, I wish I wasn't an Emotional person.
I wish I'm somewhat logical person as how I look like...

Crazy Laughter Day

2008-05-26T19:27:00.006+08:00

Continuing the joy after yesterday, I came to work late today at 1230pm :p Eventually, I ended up not being productive at work today but cracking jokes with everyone... Let me share some good jokes:-

Friend * Ma|au
Ras: Why you can smoke while u r working at table?
Ma|au: Cos I've my own room mar..
Ras: Your company want to hire ppl?
Ma|au: Yes.. doing sales...
Ras: But i dun do sales... I guide sales ppl for wat to do, develop business, come out a good marketing plan, so and so...
Ma|au: then u sit my place lo...
Ras: eh, ok arrr...
Ma|au: then i work back as sales person...
Ras: Like that arrr... u come to my company and take over my place ler... we'll be doing the same thing again for different company, hehe!
Ma|au: ............

after a while.....
Ras: my office so far from house...
Ma|au: Where is your office?
Ras: Dataran Prima...
Ma|au: Near...
Ras: Apa near apa?
Ma|au: Near my office...
Ras: huh ya meh... we live nearby and ur office nearby our area.. it's far...
Ma|au: Near...
Ras: Apa near apa?
Ma|au: Near is dekat...
Ras: .............

while we're streaming on webcam during work & chat:
Ma|au: dunwan webcam d la...
Ras: Why?
Ma|au: cannot work...
Ras: you are working?
Ma|au: Ya.... alot things to do...
Ras: I can work stil wor...
Due to reputation and "face" issue...
Ma|au: i also can...
Ras: then mah work lor..
Ended both crazy kids working with webcam cont' streming~~~

An hour later, I tot of it's been years we have not catch up even tho we live so near...
Ras: later tonight got appointment?
Ma|au: no lo... dunno wat to do tonight~
Ras: free to go out w me?
Ma|au: you date me ar?
Ras: can mou?
Ma|au: we go baywatch... aiks, dunwan la... i scared...
Ras: scared wat?
Ma|au: very tired today... i scared u wolf me after I'm tipsy~
Ras: siao arr u.. dunwan drink then go movie or makan lo..
Ma|au: dunwan, tired. go home accompany mother~
Ras: =.= your mum not free. she needs to go out~ (simply assume)
Ma|au: she free... she cooked!
Ras: ceh.. you're talking to her now? (cos saw him talking on phone)
Ma|au: yes...............
*Sweat* It's been difficult to date him out~ I started to feel so upset and pessimistic~

Ras: I know I've not being attractive enuf to date you out~
Ma|au: pls dun say so~ you tall, pretty and attractive~
Ras: then I'm not ur type lo...
Ma|au: what's my type then?
Ras: short, sweet and cute?
Ma|au: no, ugly, fat and botak!
Ras: that's why I'm not ur type!
Ma|au: nolar.. i wan tall girl with long leg, long hair, nice ass
Ras: Why nice ass?
Ma|au: to give birth~
Dong! Somehow then I recalled he's a football big fans... Wonder which lady would be so unfortunate to give birth to form a football team for him~ haha~

Colleague * KaiLoon & Venus
We were discussing how to get jobs done faster~
KaiLoon: keep barking every minute...
Venus: Wou Wou....
KaiLoon: Wow Wow...
Ras: Why bark? think I'm a bitch LoL

KaiLoon: for Ras question, why are u here? tot u should hv better options out there?
Ras: what kinda question is this? Can wait til I finish laugh first?
Venus: Let's laugh out loud together... 1, 2, 3!!!
Venus & I can't hold down but laugh out~ I wish no one think that we're crazy... KaiLoon stil look cool and serious... ~~
Ras: KaiLoon, why didn't u laugh?
KaiLoon: LOL
Ras: oi, laugh out, not typing, else u will feel sleepy..
KaiLoon: nvm, I'm having nescafe here...
Venus: dun pretend to be busy lar..
KaiLoon: Huh? I tot u 2 very busy tim...
Ras&Venus: Yes, actually we're working...
KaiLoon: Why dun we add Josh and others in the chatroom? whole office one chatroom, nice?
Ras: Then mah no need come office work lo... can lie on bed and work...
KaiLoon: No webcam, cant see real person mar..
Now I found another entertainers in my daily living~~~ Especially during serious working hours, haha!

Then, I called KhaiLee who's too a funny person. I was kept being reminded of rasangela domain for thousand times and while my first sentence spilled out was:

"Hi, I'm Ras from Angela~~~ Ops! Advertlets!"
I definitely realised I cracked another joke in the office because I heard loud laughters!
I'd enjoy my day, Have you? :)

260508 Diary

2008-05-26T02:10:00.002+08:00

It's been a "productive" good weekend that I've spent...
Although my weekend wasn't spent up as I expected but stil, it's a completed weekend ! :)

Gimme some time to upload some pic ya!

I was out to club after work on Friday night... It's been a long long long time for me to hang out in club. Supposingly i should hang out in Zouk or Velvet but there's so lil ppl in thr... As I asked the manager, he was upset that there're too many clubs been opened around KL nowadays.. haha!

Ended up to join JK in Poppy... It's more happening down there but it seem too crowded for me... I tried to enjoy the party but not until when I get myself tipsy of plenty heavy shots! By that time, it's almost 230am~ Not enuf time to enjoy wei....

Luckily frens called up to join in Times Square Neway for next session of fun. Somehow, we enjoy ourself too much and refused to leave after 4am! haha! After that, I went to Jln Ipoh for dimsum with 2 frens and K.O. overnight in their house til wake up at 11am :)

after dressed up, appointed eyelash beautician at 1230pm in SS2 while I'm stil in Setapak... but I gotta collect my laptop from Manne in Cheras! eventually traffic jam, I'm late! Called to postponed the appointment to next day and appointed my hairstylist, Gino from Be-in Saloon in Ampang to change a new hair look :)

Met up yumcha w fren back in Sri Petaling at 430pm. went back home to get dressed up at 6pm... I planned to go both of my fren's wedding dinner but one is in Setapak, another in Subang Jaya... how arrr... Ended waited my fren to fetch me til 845pm and somehow, he gotta fetch another fren from Kepong and we reached at 10pm for the last 3 dishes... sigh*

no mood d! went back home at 11pm+ after a few glasses of Heineken! and slept at 1am+... Surprised myself too :p

I awoke at 11am+ and prepared myself to catch 1am eyelash appointment. I couldn't reach the place after late for half an hour as I need to make a round round and u-turn to arrive its doorstep~ Lucky they got my eyelash beautified and I'm so happy bout it, hehe!

I went shopping in Sg wang out of a blue moon! eventually I spent more than RM700 in 3 shops in 3 hours, sigh* Wonder if this is a good news or bad~ but I really feel happy and enjoyed myself lar...

At 815pm, went back to shah alam to visit my parents... make some cold jokes to make them laugh, show-off to make them proud, updated them of my recent activities... but they shoo me to go off at 1030pm! cos they've early sleep... So, I went to Taipan to meet up Edwin for Starbucks coffee and buddy chat~

Drive drive drive back to Sri Petaling at 1230am and caught up w my Zonex buddies to yumcha til 1am+... got home and been a camwhore of my shoppings results... So, I promise to upload these photos asap. I really gotta sleep now~ this post been taken me an hour to finish as I'm chatting w a fren bout paintballing at the same time, haha!

Nights! Hugz...

Belong to Someone?

2008-05-23T15:49:00.006+08:00

This is what my fren Aaron told me this afternoon:
" Rule #1: Having someone to be with you, is not to do things or act as if he/she belongs to you.
Sometimes, when there's something or someone that you really want,
You gotta act as if you don't want it!
Somehow, then it will come to you eventually...
If you are too pushy or over desperate for it,
before you actually realize,
it have already disappear from your life... "

A human being is not an object without feelings.
No matter how much you wish to possess someone, never be too selfish of own feelings.
Freedom should be granted in a relationship itself. If a person intend to cheat on you, it will happen no matter how good you try to track him/her.

" If a couple is meant to be together,
it doesn't really matter how far do they apart.
It matters where,
How far is their heart apart. "

As Sern said, a relationship should maintain with Compromising, not Promises.
As Mike said, a relationship started among two person is Friendship. Your partner is your BEST FRIEND.
My summary, A clear and peaceful mindset in a relationship leads you to an unforgettable moments in a relationship.

What's Love?

2008-05-21T16:29:00.003+08:00

I think I've been asking this question for years, yet, nobody could come out a right definition for it somehow...
I received a call from my buddy YC and he seems upset of his current relationship status as his gf simply not being mature enough to handle a serious relationship and not knowing what she wants!
I understand it's a pain to let go a relationship while you're truly in love with the person or simply you don't want to let go based on human nature egoism :p no matter which ever it is, LEARN TO LET GO!
As my "current" darling said, when a relationship is meant to be and it'll meant to be no matter how.
I've learned, and I start to practice, not to take a relationship too seriously, even tho I'm very much an emo person...
It always feel good when someone you like is spending time with you but have you ever thought if opponent is willing to sacrifice all his/her freedom just to spend time with you alone? there's too much addiction and seduction out there~
I think, everyone loves PROMISES from the one you love. PROMISE is a very serious thing when u think deeply about it... What's if a promise cannot be fulfilled due to unseen circumstances? But put it in another way round, if there's no Promises committed in a relationship, how would it end up to be?
Love is Complicated as everyone knew.
Some say, no bond, no limit, no distraction when comes to love...
I would say Love is also: no freedom, no life and no pain! as you might be suffer from the worst pain ever in your life when u feel in love with the wrong person at wrong timing which numb all your senses~
Tell me, what's Love? What do you think about Love? What would you want from Love?
As for me, Love is Easy Come, Easy Go, Take it Easy but not too Easy... haha! wtf I'm saying..
= LOVE SUCKS somehow...

Daniel.T & His Blog

2008-05-16T16:19:00.006+08:00

If you guys have not being updated that I'm currently working in Advertlets (I know it's my fault for not updating LoL)...
Yesterday, I was surprised and happy to see one of my boss Daniel.T came to work in the office while he usually don't :)

During the evening, the office is quiet & everyone seem stressed up for projects. Daniel.T seems finished his work and started Facebooking... here's a lil conversation started with Facebook instant messaging system:
Ras: Very free arr...
Dan: A bit lar.. exhausted for the past few days...
Ras: Ok... update ur blog!
Dan: Nah.. very sienz...
Ras: Eh, u r in the blogging business wei...
Dan: Ok ok, i go update now...

A while later, he started to complain about the streamyx... but it's true that the line sux for the day :(
Dan: Ok, done~
Ras: Let's see... (comment left)

Then Dan, Josh & I chill at a corner in the office...
Ras: Dan, why u dun usually update ur blog?
Dan: Cos i dunno what to write.. I'm a very private person!
Ras: hmm ok... but ur blog title supposed to be "Daniel & Friends" right?
Dan: ya... I did blog about my fren as Grace is leaving soon~
Ras: I know.. but I also noticed that you blog once a month means u meet up with friends once in a month?

HUahaAHahahaA.... three of us laugh out loud~
Actually I understand Daniel which wasn't his intention not to blog but his schedule simply tight~ Anyhow, I will bug him to blog more as I wish to know him more too! Com'on, he's supposed to be my ex-schoolmate while we didn't know each other in the past :p

So far, I enjoy working here since the starting of May..
Catch u guys around~
Laters~

Harlo All

2008-05-15T12:27:00.002+08:00

So sorry for no postings in my blog.... I'm stil taking my owen sweret time to restore all posts from my old blog in http://rasangela.starceleb.tv/ and http://rasangela.wordpress.com... unfortunately, blogspot doesn't have the export application for me to do so~
anyhow, personal domain might be up soon~
Till then, will update you guys again, have a nice day :)

Time

2007-09-23T22:18:00.000+08:00

We always say...
   Time can fade a memory away...
But,
   It takes a MINUTE to find a special person...
            An HOUR to appreciate him
               A DAY to love him
But       An ENTIRE LIFE to forget him...
One day,
      When you think...
   You've forget him...
            You're wrong...
Search deep inside your HEART
            HE IS THERE...

Choices in Love

2007-09-22T22:16:00.000+08:00

A falling love is like...
desperately hanging on to something precious;
Not wanting to give up;
Not wanting to let go...
But
   your hands feel the PAIN &
When u finally let go,
You’re FREE from any pain!
But
   your hands are empty.
Often times,
   We say GOODBYE to
the person we LOVE unwillingly...
But
doesn’t mean we stop loving
Or
   we stop caring...
Sometimes
   GOODBYE is
   a painful way to say I LOVE YOU.

Redbox Session

2007-08-27T21:15:00.000+08:00

Another in-formal small gathering for karaoke session in Redbox, The Curve on 21/Aug 07.
Joger called off for this karaoke sessions. Expected only 5 person but results turn out to have total 8!

Kel and Cola(Kel's friend) arrived early at 2pm. Joger came over to my house to fetch me and we arrived at 2pm+. We started to enjoy singing, no barrier between us to lose our pitch in singing :p But, I realised 4 of us have verrrrrry good chemistry in corporate to sing a solo songs! We can suit our voice, our tune, our tone while sing with another and many songs turn out to be so sweet~
Daren, Aaron (Daren's cousin), WaiLing & Larry arrived at 4pm+ after their own karaoke session in Times Square earlier. Kel & his fren left early...

Hey, watch the funny version of singing the "argue" type of song... though they dun sound like argue with each other but they actually argue for MIC to sing :p
[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/h1-d_EoJnkg" width="500" height="425" wmode="transparent" /]

6 of us hang out til 6pm+ and Larry gotta go home first and left us 5 to take dinner in Sakae Sushi, The Curve, blow water til almost 8pm and all went home happily...

Watch A Movie

2007-08-24T21:10:00.000+08:00

Continuous from the 1st in-formal gathering post yesterday, Me, my boyfriend (Daniel), Daren & Ronald planned to go out for movie at night.

We met up in a coffee shop nearby Daren's house for dinner. After that depart to Cineleisure Damansara Perdana and arrived at 11pm. We planned to watch "Rush Hour 3" but looks like the movie is not up yet... "Invisible Man 3" is full house... How bout "Disturbia"? nah... we walked over to The Curve to search for a spot for drink is better :p

The Santuary, one of my favourite place is sooooooooooo packed! No point pack with others while we try to enjoy ourselves hanging out together... Went down to the Laundry Bar seem no different but pack! Com'on, it's a Saturday night...

End up we decided to watch "Disturbia" at 11.40pm :p
The movie is not as bad as I thought at the beginning. There's many thrilling scenes in this movie. It's a worth to watch movie :)

1st In-Formal Gathering

2007-08-23T21:07:00.000+08:00

I might post this abit late as out 1st informal gathering was held on the 11th August 07 in Berjaya Times Square KL which is almost 2weeks past :p
Our organizers, Joger & Andrea managed to attract more than 20StarCeleb contestants to attend this in-formal function and casually for chit-chat, gossips & blow water :D
Intentionally, they gathered at Starbucks Coffee in Times Square at 12pm and then moved to the 10th floor for lunch. I fetched Daren & Ronald at 2pm and meet them up for lunch. B3 Group leader TianTian invited Crystal, a producer from Double Vision to meet us up and invited us for a audition casting session on the following weekends.

After lunch, we moved to Cafe69 which located behind Times Square to continue our "blow water" session. Andrea suggested each of us make a brief of our life after the StarCeleb roadshows. Mostly think that not recover from the excited feelings of StarCeleb and eager for next event. Alea is the only non-Chinese understanding but I hope she enjoy the fun of chat with us as I tried my best to interpret for her :)

Here comes Andrea leads Angeline & TianTian to pose like Tugu Negara to celebrate the upcoming Malaysia Independence Day. errrr.... but this "female" Tugu Negara seem so happy :D

After each other us has a brief about our past one week life, when comes to Andrea, there she started to show off her "acting" skills and entertain the crowd, haha! DO NOT mistake that Andrea is a smoker, she's decent :p She hold a cigarette to act as a "Dai Ka Jeh" only!

About 6pm, we decided to take apart. Some continue to watch movie, some continue for karaoke and some of us leave for our own appointments.
Congrate for the succeed of 1st In-Formal Gathering! :D

Relationships Among StarCelebrities

2007-08-22T21:01:00.000+08:00

I started to realise that relationships among the starceleb'rities" getting closer after the official Top60 roadshows.
As for myself, I started to hang out alot with Daren, Ronald, Kel and Joger as we live/work nearby to each other. In fact, we meet up each other for times in a week! We started to get to know each other well, become close friends to each other, sharing the past memories and current feelings, I feel so warm~
We always call each other out for casual yumcha sessions... Hang out for drink at night, go for movie, planning of where to hang out, etc...
People might think that we're competitors among one and another but I seriously don't think so because I never feel so! We never hesitate to help each other out, giving advices and share our experiences.
This reality contest, StarCeleb has not only provide a stage for us to perform our talent but it has proven that StarCeleb has provided us a stage of building up friendships.
May our friendships grow further, not limited to this contest only, cheers guys! :)

Love in Dream & Reality

2007-08-21T22:07:00.000+08:00

Love...
How do u define this word "LOVE" ?
Some people says that is power and sweet and blind..
Some people says that is something emotional play around and always stay in the dream-happiness...Love and reality..
Do u think what u Dream what's Love will actually turn into real life?
Do it really can be true? Make ur dream love story into the reality life??
But, reality always is cruelty and sadness.
There is nothing 100%... it must sacrifice something if u want to get something!How many peoples really can live in their "SWEET, Lovely and Touching dream LOVE" in the reality life nowadays??
Wish whoever read this message will get the true love with their "dream love story" to be turn into real life!

(~Amend from "Love@Reality by MilK-MilK)

Heart Broken Love

2007-08-20T22:02:00.001+08:00

当我说爱你我已经付出了所有
给予我的真心照顾你无微不至
你也曾经誓言你会一直深爱我
可是我完全相信你却背叛这段感情。。。
到底是天在戏弄我还是我给得不够多
我已做得最好为什么你感觉不到
你说原来一开始感觉并不是真的
那种伤痛你可体会？
当离别时候我好想再抱紧一些
多希望这是梦一个不醒来的梦
我泪流湿满脸你已经不再在乎
我的梦虽已毁灭但我的爱却收不回！
到底是不是一场梦由始到终都是幻觉
我们不该相遇更不该开动这恋情
你要我许下承诺要对你真心真意
种种回忆能否忘记？
别对我说对不起我要的只是你的爱
爱情不能够勉强可是当初你说爱我
没有人愿意受伤没有人愿意孤单
你没有背叛我你只是背叛了这段感情
为何现在的你忍心看见我悲伤哭泣

I wrote this lyrics after the first time i was cheated by a male model last year June. That was the ever first time which i wish to give out my Love. At the end, it was just a game and I didnt realise until my girl-friend and good friends around told me the truth. dissappointed by him...
Before knowing the truth, the lyrics has presented how's my feelings. Later on while I knew the truth, there left only Hates.

After that relationship, I met Hon and tot that he'll be my forever love. out of expectations, the relationship didnt turn out as what i expected. a few months later when i saw this lyrics lying in my pc, and i see that this lyrics can truly show my feelings during December, heart broken period while Hon asked for broke up...

Anyhow, hope I'll get the melody asap n share this song of mine with my frens one day soon~

Missing Someone

2007-08-18T21:59:00.000+08:00

Some people think
            the worst way to MISS someone
      is when he is right next to you
                           &
      you know you cant have him
But
      it’s worse when
      you thought you didn’t want him anymore
& then
      all of a sudeen you realize...
      you cant live without him...

Bad Injuries

2007-08-17T21:56:00.000+08:00

Deep in my heart
        I'm suffering
Knowing that I’ve lost you
           I look fine
Pretending that I’ve forgotten you
How can I promise u LET GO
      when I'm still holding tight?
         How can I dry the tears
when I have a bleeding heart?
How can I ever forget you
when your name is etched
         so Deep within my mind...
We’re not destined…
We’re not meant for each other…
                                   We’re nothing…
      There’s no more between us…
I just come back from a Battle of Love…
           & I LOST in the battle.
I cannot beg you to stay
    if you want to leave
       & be with someone else..
I have to admit that love
    doesn’t give me the license
        to OWN a person...
This is what love means… BAD INJURIES

Goodbye

2007-08-16T21:53:00.000+08:00

Life it seems will fade away
Drifting further everyday
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free
Things not what they used to be Missing one inside of me
Deadly loss this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell i feel
Emptiness is filling me To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me but now, shes gone
No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now i cant think, think why i should even try
Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now i will just say goodbye
Goodbye
p/s :- for the last sentence i dun mean to encourage u to commide suicide ya.....

(Specially dedicated from NIck Wong)